Pen Pals
by Greye Granger
Summary: After being pen pals for years, Bella and Edward had planned to meet during the fall of 2014. Unfortunately, they lost touch, and now Bella is making the trip cross country to see him. Will Edward be there? Will he have moved on entirely? B/E COWBOYWARD HEA RATED M.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING: This story is NOT Beta'd.**

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**Chapter 1: Westward**

_Dear Bella,_

_September 11, 1999_

_Hi, my name is Edward. I was assigned to you from my English teacher for our penpal project. I think the assignment is kind of lame, but I can't fail this class. Haha._

_I'm a freshman at Washington State Academy. It's a private school and it sucks. Do you go to a public school? All I know about you is that you're in Tennessee. The furthest south I have ever been is Texas, and no more east than Arkansas. Do you enjoy Tennessee?_

_I hope you turn out to be legitimate. My best friend Jeremiah had to get a new penpal. I guess his original one turned out to be forty. Creepy, right?!_

_I like to ride horses. My grandpa trains and boards them for a living. My dad is a college biology professor and my mother is a doctor. They have high expectations for me._

_I'm fourteen, but I turn fifteen next month and mom said I could get my driving permit as long as my grades were good. Are your parents strict like that, too?_

_Anyway, I hope you write back._

_-Edward Cullen_

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I sat on the edge of my bed in my little room clutching my pillow. I was about to drive across the country. Not only was I going to be driving alone, but even at my destination there was no guarantee that I wouldn't be alone.

That made me glance to my desk and see my three returned letters. I but my lip, and then Alice spooked me by barging into my room.

"I can't believe you're going," she whined from the doorway of my bedroom. Her eyes stayed with me as I began to walk around my room to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything.

"I have to go," I said again. I wasn't sure if I was telling that more to myself than I was to her.

"I feel like you decided this over night. When will you be back?"

"I'm not really sure," I replied with a shrug. "I gave myself about five days to get there so that I could take my time and sight see."

"Will you stop and see Penny?"

I couldn't help but smile.

"Yes."

Alice sighed and came into my room.

"We just got settled here, and what about your new job?"

I closed my suitcase and lifted it off my bed.

"The job doesn't start for over a month, Ali, and I'll be back. This will give you and Jasper some time alone before school starts up again." Alice huffed, grabbed my backpack, and didn't argue with me anymore.

We walked through our new apartment quietly. I kissed my cat on the head that was perched on the back of the couch. She purred.

I patted myself down. Keys, phone, wallet, suitcase, backpack. I was ready, so I opened the front door. In the parking lot, my little Subaru waited for me. The sun had yet to rise, and the air was crisp. I popped the trunk and slung my suitcase inside.

"What if he isn't there?" Alice asked quietly. I paused, staring into the back of my car with my hand on the trunk door. "You haven't heard from him in 7 years, Bella."

"If he's not there, he's not there," I finally said. I shrugged and closed the trunk. "I have to find out. I know I'm crazy, but I'll regret not doing this. Besides, I wanted to travel anyway." I turned to look at my small friend. Her short hair was messy and her pajamas were all twisted. Alice wasn't a morning person.

"Call me?"

"All the time," I promised. She handed me my backpack followed by a quick, tight hug. I kissed her cheek and got into the car. I placed my backpack in the passenger seat. It carried everything I held dear to me. I started the ignition. Alice was by our front door waving as I slowly pulled away.

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_Dear Edward,_

_September 19, 1999_

_Apparently my aunt had signed me up for a penpal. She thinks I need friends. I don't mind. I like to write. It's nice to meet you._

_I'm a freshman at a semi large public school. My town is flooded with tourists, loud with country music, and extremely humid. I enjoy being southern, though. I've never lived anywhere else._

_My aunt and uncle are strict. It doesn't bother me since I've never had an urge to do anything that would upset them, or get myself into any trouble. My parents died when I was young, so I am grateful to my aunt and uncle. They're just as happy to have me since my aunt is unable to bear children. Although, I understand your frustration. Your parents seem very smart and set in their lives. That's a lot to live up to._

_I love to swim, write, and watch french movies. I haven't made very many good friends yet in high school. I have one, but she's all about boys now._

_I think it's great that you love horses. I've never gotten the chance to be around them before. I do have a cat, though. Her name is Scully and I couldn't live without her. I won't be fifteen until next March, but I can't wait. Keep your grades up!_

_I guess I'm fairly boring. Thanks for writing me!_

_-Bella Swan_

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I was just outside of Memphis when I decided to find a hotel room. After eight hours and only one pee stop my ass was numb. I spotted a decent looking hotel right off the exit with a Cracker Barrel next door. My stomach growled. I was hungrier than I thought.

I got a room from a nice, old man. After unloading my things, I went to eat.

It was fairly busy for a random Wednesday night, but it was still summer time. People of the south would lose their minds without Cracker Barrel. The hostess gave me a table by a window. I thanked him and started skimming through the menu, though I already knew what I wanted.

"Evening, ma'am," A young server said. I looked up to a see a girl with pigtails and a lot of make up on her pale face. She had a class ring on her finger with the date 2016 on the band, telling me she was still in high school. "What can I get you to drink?"

"Sweet tea, please," I said. "And I'm ready to order."

"Oh, great."

"I'll take the steak and eggs. Hashbrowns, please. Steak medium rare and my eggs over easy. Butter for the biscuits. No gravy.

"Okie doke," she piped. "Sounds like you know your Cracker Barrel."

"Well I am southern."

We laughed.

"I assume you're traveling."

I nodded to her.

"Business or pleasure?"

"Pleasure," I replied with a smile. Her eyes lit up as if she wanted to ask me more about it, but she didn't. She smiled back instead.

"Well I'm Katherine and I'll get your tea right out."

"Thanks."

She took my menu and skipped off. I dug in my backpack that sat between my feet and pulled out my binder. I stared at the blank, black cover for a while before opening it. I knew everything in it by heart, but I opened it anyway. I flipped through a few of the pages and started reading.

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_Dear Bella,_

_December 11, 2000_

_Can you believe it's Christmas? It seems the older I get the less excited I am for it. I'm too young to feel that way, right?_

_It's been so cold here. The incessant rain has been more like sleet instead of water. I stayed with Jeremiah over the weekend and we played football with his neighborhood. Our team won._

_I'm back to driving again. I can't believe they grounded me for a fucking C+ in geometry. Whatever._

_How were your grades for the semester? Flawless I assume, you smarty pants. Haha. Thanks for the recommendation on my history paper. Mr. Smelcer loved it._

_I'm so glad you've got a good group of friends now. Jessica sounds interesting. Don't let her teach you too much about boys, though. Girls are always wrong ;)_

_I asked mom and dad for a football, a CD player, and game boy this year. They're so fun, Bella. What do you want?_

_I have to go. Studying sucks. Write soon._

_-Edward_

_P.S. By the way, do you have a boyfriend?_

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"What's funny?" Katherine asked. I slowed my giggles and took a sip of my tea.

"I'm reading letters," I told her.

"From a boy?" She gushed. My cheeks heated as I nodded.

"So cute!" She squealed. "Your boyfriend?"

My smile faded.

"No, no. A friend." Katherine's face fell a little, too. "A friend for now," I added quietly. Katherine smiled again.

"Your food will be out soon." I thanked her and decided to read one more before I ate.

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_Dear Edward,_

_February 14, 2001_

_Happy Valentines Day! I'm glad it was my turn to write. Did you like all my hearts? It took me forever to draw them on every inch of the envelope! I was hoping Jeremiah would see them just to tease you some more._

_I'm sorry I wasn't able to write over the holidays. My family is so large, so we were kept busy visiting. My birthday is next month!_

_Did you get your game boy?_

_Jessica is on her third boyfriend this year. She's so funny. Don't worry, I don't listen to her advice. Boys are dumb ;)_

_I do not have a boyfriend. No one here has interested me enough. Do you date much, Edward? I'm sure you're a ladies man. Ha!_

_It's your turn to send a photo. Mine wasn't very recent, but recent enough. I wish my hair wasn't so red. I mean, it's aburn, but I wish I had my mothers black hair. It was beautiful._

_I have great classes this semester. My drama teacher is so amazing, Edward. She's thirty two years older than me, but I swear it's like we were born at the same time with how well we get along. You'd like her._

_Have the best V-Day ever. :)_

_Write me soon!_

_-Bella._

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I closed the binder and ate my food quickly. I was tired, and more eager than ever to get where I was going. My only wish was to feel this way forever.

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**I am baaaaack!**

**I hope I've caught your attention!**

**I will update weekly, if any sooner I will post in my Facebook group (search Stories by Greye Granger).**


	2. Chapter 2

**PLEASE READ: So I don't confuse anyone, pay attention to the dates of the letters. They jump ahead. If it helps, they were in their first semester of freshman year high school in 1999. I skip, obviously, so not all of them will be back to back replies. The bio for this story was a typo. Sorry for the confusion! Forget the whole 10 years thing!**

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**Chapter 2: Texarkana**

_Dear Edward,_

_December 15, 2002_

_Where is time going? Why does it seem as if it's moving right along without me. I see it. It passes quicker than I want. It's like the wind._

_Senior year hasn't been everything I had hoped. So far, anyway. Junior year was good. Sophomore year was even better, and freshman year was the best. Isn't that backwards? Remember last year? I was happier then._

_My aunt and uncle's divorce hit me hard. It's only been two months since it was finalized, and they still see each other on a daily basis. It makes it worse. They fight, they fuck. Isn't that the same as being married?_

_Penny says I have to stop letting other peoples lives affect my own. Who knew my drama teacher would become so important to me?_

_The only things making me happy are Penny, your letters, and the autumn season. The leaves are so vivid. It's like you can taste the colors._

_Your senior pictures were great. Your dark hair is getting long again. Haha!_

_I broke up with Aaron last week. I didn't want a platonic relationship anymore. He's in the closet, and I can't date him just because it takes the heat off of him... Jessica is pregnant and dropping out._

_How are you?_

_Love, Bella_

_P.S. Happy Christmas_

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I was driving west and making good time until the standstill traffic came along. Luckily I was able to pull off at a rest stop in Texarkana to use the bathroom and walk around. I was supposed to be at Penny's by dinner, but that wasn't going to happen. According to the radio there was a larg accident a few miles up involving seven vehicles. I wasn't upset about losing some time. I was tired and driving made that worse.

I didn't plan on staying up so late after Cracker Barrel reading my letters. I was feeling melancholic. Senior year was a dark time for me. I was eager to get past it.

I kicked my shoes off and laid down on the quilt I had out on the grass. The rest stop was full of people. I enjoyed watching them. I kept my backpack close, using it as a pillow and my binder propped open on my knees. I let the sounds of people fade as I took a deep breath and started reading again.

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_Dear Bella,_

_December 28, 2002_

_Did you have a good Christmas?_

_I hate that you're feeling so down. I wish I could give you my, "Who gives a fuck," attitude._

_The best thing I can tell you is that this shitty time will pass. Mine did. Can you believe this past summer I was facing jail time on bogus charges? I'll never trust a man again. Jeremiah was lucky to only get a year probation. It was Jack that got the brunt of it. Because Jeremiah and I knew he planned to rob the place, that made us accessories?_

_Whatever. I'm back on track, though. My grades are excellent. I even went golfing with dad last weekend and had fun. FUN. Can you believe it? He even laughed at my corny jokes._

_Try and not pay attention to your aunt and uncle, okay? It's their life, free to make all the mistakes they want. It's fucked up that they have you around to see it, but you're strong._

_Aaron wasn't good enough for you anyway. And Jessica...shit, that sucks._

_I asked Tanya to Prom and she said yes. I like her, but she keeps talking about "our future" as if she's some kind of fortune teller. It's only been 3 months of us dating...We'll see._

_Hang in there, okay?_

_Love, Edward_

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"Excuse me, ma'am?"

I looked up from my binder. The direct sun in my eyes was blinding, so I sat up. A woman with two little girls stood in front of me.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Do you have a cell phone? Mine died and my daughter broke the charger," she said, looking down to her redheaded, little girl. The child was looking at the ground in shame.

"Of course," I said. I reached in my backpack and pulled out my iPhone, handing it to the woman. She thanked me profusely. I waited as she made a quick phone call. Her voice was high with excitement when she spoke on the phone. Her daughters were ansty at her side.

"You're a life saver, thanks," she gushed, coming back to me. I put my phone in my pocket and smiled up at her.

"It's no problem, really. Do you want to sit?" I asked, patting the quilt. The little girls smiled at me. "It's comfy. And I have snacks!"

The mother laughed. "Thanks." They sat down. Her youngest daughter, a little blonde, sat in her lap and the redhead was next to me. I dug around in my pack for some M&M's. I gave a handful to each of the girls.

"Thank you!" The redhead said.

"You're very welcome," I replied.

"That'll entertain them," the mother said smiling. I laughed. Her girls started counting and naming the colors of the candy. "My name is Bethany. This is Harper, and the fiery redhead is Lyric."

"Beautiful names," I said. Bethany blushed. "I'm Bella." We looked out to the interstate when an ambulance flew by on the median.

"Damn traffic," I mumbled.

"Right? I have to be in Del Rio by Friday."

"That's a ways. Where are you coming from?"

"Nashville. You?"

"I'm more East Tennessee," I said. "But I'm due in Dallas by nightfall."

"Business or pleasure?" She asked. I laughed.

"Pleasure. I'm seeing an old friend. You?"

Bethany sighed with a warm smile on her face. Her long brown hair was braided to one side and she was constantly touching it.

"Pleasure," she said.

"Mom is going to see Jeff," Lyric said.

"Who's Jeff?" I asked her. Her cheeks turned as red as her hair. She leaned closer to me.

"Her boyfriend," she whispered. Bethany laughed.

"It's the first time I've seen him since high school," Bethany explained. "We were friends, lost touch, then started talking again last year. We really hit it off. He's down in Texas promoting a CD."

"Wow," I replied. "Your story isn't much different than mine."

"Really?" Bethany said. Her face was hopeful. I nodded.

"Really. Are you nervous?"

"Yes," she replied immediately. I laughed kindly. "I haven't seen him face to face in so long that I've forgotten, you know? We text and video chat."

"That's romantic in its own way," I said. "You'll be star struck when you see him. Like meeting a famous person, I imagine."

"Exactly."

"I have the same anxiety," I laughed. "But I'm not only seeing an old friend, I'm meeting him in person for the first time."

"Whoa. How'd you meet?"

"We've been pen pals since high school."

"And you're just now deciding to meet?!" She was surprised, and glanced over at my binder.

I laughed some more.

"I have so many letters. I even copied the ones I sent him. Now they read like a story," I giggled. Bethany was clearly listening to me intently. Her eyes never left mine as she waited for more information.

"It's kind of complicated," I added shyly. Her kids were laying down eating their M&M's quietly. They looked sleepy. Bethany scooted closer to me and looked out towards the interstate.

"I'm eager to listen if you're willing to tell," she said kindly. "It might help pass time."

I smiled. I hadn't ever really spoken about my story with Edward. People just knew we were good friends that wrote to each other. I closed my eyes and smiled.

"He's the only person that knows everything about me," I began. "He's one of the longest relationship I've ever had, too. My parents died, my aunt and uncle fell apart after their divorce, but Edward was always there. Even though we changed as we grew up, nothing seemed to change with us. I only know him by his words, but to me, that's the most honest thing."

Bethany was still listening intently. I stretched my legs out and sat back on my hands.

"We lost touch during college. He stopped writing and I went to North Carolina for graduate school. It actually wasn't ever anything more than friends until the last few months of letters. We planned to meet at the ranch his grandfather left to him. Edward wanted to meet at thirty, but that was too late for me, so we decided on the first day of autumn after my twenty-eighth birthday. It's our favorite time of year."

"Wow," Bethany sighed. "What a love story. But, wait, so you haven't heard from him since college?"

"It's been about seven years," I whispered.

"What made you decide to go at all after so long?"

I shrugged. I never had a very good answer for this question.

"It just feels like something I have to do."

"What if..." She stopped.

"He isn't there?" I finished. Bethany nodded sadly. I shrugged. "Then it wasn't meant to be. And I'll be okay with that. But I have to find out. I've sent a couple letters to the ranch address, but they were returned. I wasn't that worried about it because I remember Edward always telling me that his grandpa lived off the map. Really, all I want now is to know. Is he there, is he not? Then I feel like I can start my life...if that makes any sense at all."

"Good for you," she said. "That's kind of what I'm doing with Jeff, too. He's not very good at being manogomous. I want to show him how serious I am, and if he doesn't accept, then I'll know."

"Men," I groaned. We laughed. "I'm sure he's looking forward to seeing you."

"He is. He's a scared as I am, though. I mean, our lives are so different that it can be hard to meet in the middle."

"But if it's love..."

"It's worth it."

I nodded then looked down to my binder. I picked it up and held it close to my chest. Suddenly, the traffic started to move again. I helped Bethany carry her kids to her car and buckle them in their seats safetly. They were fast asleep.

Bethany surprised me by giving me a big hug. She was going to buy a phone charger at the next service station, and started to give me her phone number.

"Actually," she said, pausing. "I'll give you my address. I want to hear the end of your story. Write me," she said. I smiled warmly, took the piece of paper, and tucked it safely in my pack.

"And I want to hear yours! I'll write you. Good luck to you and Jeff."

She smiled.

"And more luck to you and Edward. Here's to happily ever after."

I waved as she moved in with the traffic to get back on the interstate. I looked up to the sunny sky and was thankful for Bethany. I wasn't the only one in search of a happy ending to a difficult love story.

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**We're getting closer! I'm glad to give a little bit more of a back story!**

**My plan is to update Sunday and Wednesday :D I hope you're still hooked. The best is yet to come!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Penny**

_Bella,_

_August 30, 2003_

_I fucking love college life. I still can't believe I'm here. Washington State is amazing. The campus is huge. Jeremiah is a great roommate, and I love my classes._

_I'm still not sure if I'm interested in pre-med, but we won't tell my parents that. Haha. It just feels so good to be away from home. Don't you agree? How's the University of Tennessee?_

_Tanya is on my ass. She keeps saying we're meant to be. Whatever, dude. What about that other guy she fucked? I hate liars. Have you met anyone in college?_

_I'm starting to think that me and you are the smartest people in the world. We're the only mad ones that still make sense._

_Your pictures were awesome. I can't believe how long your hair has gotten. It's so much redder in the summer. No tan, though. You pale, freckled girl._

_Write me soon, okay?_

_Love,_

_Edward_

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I was smiling thinking of Edward's letter. He was always so positive. I couldn't help but feel the same way because of him. My good mood helped the time pass more quickly. The traffic let up and I was almost to Penny's. I was so excited to see her. I always got giddy and prepared myself for what was to come. Seeing Peeny was like a refresh on life. She was my soulmate in so many ways.

The roads were dark but I knew I was getting close. It was nearing midnight, and I had been awake since seven this morning but I wasn't tired even though I knew Penny and I would be up all night.

I finally found her driveway. The white mailbox and gravel road assured me. I drove up quickly and parked outside her garage. I had never been here, but the pictures I had seen didn't do it justice. The house was small, quaint, and had Penny written all over it. It was like a cottage; a Texas cottage. She brought East Tennessee to Dallas.

I turned the ignition off and took a deep breath. I smiled widely and got out. Before I made it to the front door, I saw Penny coming towards me.

She hadn't aged a day. How could she be sixty now? I met her when she was forty seven and she was still just as beautiful. She was the second longest good relationship I had ever had. Like Edward, she was just always there for me. Tears formed in my eyes and I tried to blink them back quickly. Her hair was short, blonde, and her eyes as green as they always were.

She embraced me, and any sadness I had ever felt in my life dissipated. With Penny, there was a reason for all things thing and it would always be okay. I hugged her back.

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After a few pleasentries it didn't take us long to find our natural habitat on the porch with alcohol and cigarettes. It was well passed one in the morning, but it felt like a new day to me. I never have enough time with her, and I sure as hell wasn't going to waste any of it by sleeping.

I took another drink of my Bloody Mary and relished in the tingles it caused my body to endure. Penny sipped her wine and smoked casually. She was a vision of a woman in the wrong time period, much like myself. I didn't feel like we were meant for this time, but a much older one.

"So you're finally doing it," she said in her soft voice. I smiled.

"It's time."

She looked to me.

"Much like it was for me. I love Texas. I love my job. Are you ready?"

"More than ready," I sighed. "Once I see him, I'll know. It'll be done. That part of my life will be fulfilled."

"You're reading the letters again aren't you?"

"Of course. I can't help it."

Penny smiled.

"I can always tell. What do you think will happen when you get there?"

"Well," I began slowly. "There are three scenarios. He's not there, he's there and he's married, or he's there and it's for me."

"You still love him," Penny whispered. I nodded. I didn't know how else to respond.

"I know seven years is a long time to pass with no contact, but I feel like he's there waiting for me."

"At his ranch?"

"Yeah. Not only is that place we planned to meet at, but he always wanted to be there anyway."

Penny nodded and smoked more. We listened to the night. In the distance you heard the freeway. It never slept. I pulled my legs up to my chest in the wicker chair and laid my head back.

"Tell me about Alice," Penny said.

"She's funny. She's a good roommate. She's starting her final stretch of medical school and is engaged, though not sure when she'll actually say, 'I do.'"

"Your aunt and uncle?"

"They're back together right now. They decided to go on a cruise as some sort of second honeymoon even though they haven't remarried. Maybe that's my problem with Edward."

Penny frowned. Her eyes studied me carefully. I lit another cigarette.

"My aunt and uncle are the only love influence I know and it's terrible one. I would do anything to avoid it, but I don't know what I do want."

"Yes, you do," Penny said. "You want what we all want."

I waited for her to continue but she didn't.

"Love?"

"Happiness," she whispered. I smiled and thought about that as I stared at her. She has lived a long life, most of it without a man, and she was the happiest person I knew.

"I picture this life of a family, but I can't ever have that like I want," I whispered. Penny actually knew more about me at this point than Edward did because she was there for me during those long, seven years.

"Nothing is impossible, Bella."

"Maybe in a way I am going to him in search myself: my happiness. But really, I am happy. I just want my heart to be, too. I love him. I love him more than I have ever loved anything or anyone else, and that terrifies me."

"It's a powerful thing, but one I have no doubt that you can conquer. If you're truthful, and communicate, then you'll win love."

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_Dear Edward,_

_September 15, 2003_

_I couldn't be happier for you! College has been very good to me, too, so far!_

_UT is a big place, and there are so many different kinds of people. It's fascinating. I want to meet everyone and learn something new from each of them._

_It's liberating. I feel as free as you do._

_My roommates are nice girls, my teachers are informative, and for the first time in my life I feel good about where I am. This is where I should be. Now if only you were here! ;)_

_Penny is moving to Texas, so I'm sad about that, but not as much as I thought I would be. She and I are much like you and me. Distance doesn't hurt us._

_I haven't met any guys if that's what you were asking. I hope to. You'd think there would be someone here that could interest me..._

_What about you?_

_And fuck Tanya. She will forever mentally be a sixteen year old girl. Who needs all that?!_

_Tell Jeremiah hello for me. Miss you._

_Love,_

_Bella_

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**We're getting closer and closer to Edward! What did you think of Penny?**

**Come check out my Facebook page, Stories by Greye Granger! I've posted a few visuals of Bella, and will be posting more when she gets to you know who. There will also be a banner for this story soon, too!**

**I appreciate all of you and your awesome feedback! See you again on Sunday ;) xox**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Fear**

_Dear Bella,_

_May 25, 2005_

_Dad and I got in a huge fight when he found out I was taking 2 Equis courses. The asshole found out by asking the dean (aka his best friend) for a copy of my schedule. I guess because he's paying for schooling, I have to study what he tells me to._

_Mom stayed quiet. She didn't say a word as per usual. Fuck them. This summer I'm staying with Jeremiah._

_Grandpa George is sick. I was supposed to visit him over spring break, but he was hospitalized. Doctors don't know what's wrong with him. He's had to hire a ranch hand and turn down a lot of people that wanted to board and get their horses trained. I need to get down and see him as soon as I can, but I'm broke. My grades aren't as good as I hoped this semester, but I can't quit working at the market either._

_I broke up with Kasey. I can't handle her on top of school and work. She cried. I feel bad, but she wasn't the one._

_I'm really glad you've met Alice and have gotten to start your writing courses. You're a magician with words._

_I'm sorry I'm not more positive. I miss you._

_Love,_

_Edward_

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I spent another day with Penny. We went to the Stock Yards, local flea markets and a Mexican restaurant. I felt refreshed, but also more nervous about getting to Edward. I didn't want to leave Penny. I felt safe here, like I could put life on hold.

She laughed at me and forced me to leave the next morning. I did, but not without tears.

I had been driving for three hours and I was getting restless already. I kept trying to think of ways to get out of finishing my trip. Fear and worry had set in. What if he wasn't there? What if he didn't want to see me?

I shook my bad thoughts away and thought back to the letters. I had skipped some of the best ones, hoping to read them in person with Edward. I imagined it so perfectly in my head, meeting him, but I was so afraid of it going completely different. I decided to just pick up where I left off instead. Right now, this was all I had of him.

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_Dear Edward,_

_June 10, 2005_

_I hate when you're sad. Aren't I the pessimistic one in this relationship? Haha._

_I believe you should do what you want in college. If your dad wants to pull the funds, let him! You can get grants and scholarships._

_The money my parents left me is untouchable until I'm twenty five except for schooling. It would be nice to have some extra cash for food, shampoo, or fresh razors. Hahaha._

_I'm sorry about your grandpa. But from what I've heard, he's a tough cookie, much like you, so I know he'll pull through. I know you'll get to see him again._

_I'm not so ready for summer either. Hopefully Alice and I can find an apartment soon._

_I have a guy in film class that's interested in me, but he looks like a monkey... I just haven't found anyone else that I can connect with as well as I do you. Come to Tennessee!_

_Love,_

_Bella_

.

.

.

.

It was finally night time. It gave me a reason to stop driving. I rented a small hotel room in New Mexico. I feared another sleepless night so I bought some vodka. There was nothing on TV and I didn't feel like delving back into the letters yet. I missed Penny. I didn't have anyone to talk to.

Around midnight I stepped outside to smoke. The heat had calmed for the night, but still very much alive. I was in sleep shorts and a loose tank top with my hair on top of my head. Sweating was unavoidable.

I lit a cigarette and coughed out smoke when someone next to me sneezed. I clutched my chest in surprise.

"Sorry," a woman laughed. I looked next door to see her sitting on the ground in front of her room door.

"That's okay," I coughed. "I spook easily." I went back to smoking and stepped away from my door to lean on the railing. I was on the 3rd floor of three, and the view was amazing. Little lights of the city in the distance lit up the night. They comforted me in a way. I wasn't up this late entirely alone.

"Pretty, isn't it?" The woman said.

"Yes," I agreed.

"Have you ever been here before?"

"Nope. And it's too bad that I'm just passing through. What about you?"

"Oh, yeah. I live here. I'm staying at this place while my house is being renovated. I never thought I'd end up loving a desert so much." She chuckled.

"So you're not from here?"

"I'm from Atlanta. Where are you from?"

"East Tennessee."

"Long way from home."

I smiled.

"I am aren't I? It's weird to think about that. I'm driving up to Colorado to visit a friend."

"That's sweet," she replied. She had long black hair and wonderful smile. "I'm Meagan."

"Bella," I said with a nod. She stood up and removed a pack of menthols from her pocket, lighting one.

"Has it been a long time since you've seen your friend?"

I couldn't help but laugh nervously. Meagan frowned.

"I uh, haven't ever met him actually."

Her eyes widened.

"Now that's interesting," she said. "And juicy."

We laughed.

"We've been pen pals for a long, long time, and planned to meet when we turned twenty eight."

"Now that is the most romantic thing," she cooed. She had a slight southern twang to her voice. I'm sure everyone I met along this trip knew I was southern, too.

"I hope so," I whispered.

"You don't think so?"

I shrugged and flicked my cigarette, immediately lighting another.

"I don't really know," I said sheepishly. "We haven't spoken in years. But we promised to meet now, so I'm going."

"Did you lose touch?"

I nodded and now the ache returned to my heart. I hated thinking about how I lost him.

"Yeah, in college. He decided to drop out and I went on to graduate school."

"I'm sorry," she said sweetly. "But I'm sure he's there. Are you nervous?"

"Yes," I breathed. We giggled. "More like terrified."

Meagan scoffed.

"Don't let fear hold you back. Let it push you forward."

I frowned and pondered her statement.

"That's genius."

"I don't know about that, but if you ever want to conquer fear, you have to go through with it."

"Thank you," I replied with a slow smile. "I will definitely be chanting that in my head on tomorrow's drive."

"Not long to go, right?"

I shook my head and swallowed hard.

"About three and a half hours."

"You got this. Best of luck," she said. We shared a smile, and went back to our respective rooms. I would probably never see Meagan again, but I would never forget her or her advice.

.

.

.

.

_Dear Bella,_

_May 2, 2007_

_I feel like school has passed us by quickly and we aren't even done yet. I have failed. I won't be able to graduate. Dad isn't speaking to me._

_I'm so tired of being pushed. I'm so tired of trying to fit into this neat, little box that everyone wants me in. It's suffocating me. I've been drinking and out with Jeremiah too a lot._

_I'm dropping out, Bella. I hope you don't think less of me. I don't care what everyone else thinks. I'm alone. I'm tired. I'm broke. I wish I could be with you._

_Remember when we promised to meet up one day? We need to set that in stone._

_It's taken me so long to realize that I don't want anyone else because no one is you._

_Write me soon._

_Love,_

_Edward_

* * *

**I had to post today because I'm so excited. We decided to take a trip to visit my parents who are down visiting my sister in Dallas. Sooo, here I am, packed the kids and am heading west from east TN with grandma in tow. One more chapter to go until EDWARD**. **See you Sunday xox**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: I'll Be There**

_Dearest Edward,_

_May 19, 2007_

_Words cannot express how joyful I was to hear how you feel about me. I always wondered why guys I've met didn't interest me, but it was because I was always comparing them to you._

_I am going on to graduate school in North Carolina. I'm scared, but I need to do this. I won't know my address for another month or so._

_Alice thinks it is weird that we only talk through letters. Now that technology is so overwhelming, I mean. But I prefer it this way. It's more real to me to have your words on paper. I know one day I will get to hear your voice, and see your face. Right now, this is enough. I think we both have some things to finish before we meet._

_I believe you dropping out is something that should have never happened. You shouldn't have gone to college at all. It's not you. Go do what you love, Edward. I'll always be here for you. Your dad doesn't deserve the man you have become._

_Even if we were to drift apart, know that I'll always be here for you. I accept the challenge._

_I wish I knew where the time was going. As long as I see you before we are thirty._

_Be careful out there._

_I will meet you anywhere. Tell me when. _

_Love,_

_Bella_

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.

.

.

I was reciting the letters out loud in my car as I neared the outskirts of Colorado Springs. It was beautiful country out here. These mountains were much higher than the Appalachians. The Aspen trees had started to turn bright yellow, and the air was thinner.

I spent nearly an hour deciding what to wear before I left New Mexico. I wanted to look how Edward envisioned me to look, though I wasn't sure what that was. I let my hair fall freely, applied little make up, and due to the change in weather from the desert to the forests, I decided on jeans, boots, and a cream colored sweater. Up here it was fall, and everything was beginning to feel more real.

The last seven years were a blur to me now. Everything I went through seemed to be adding up to this final moment. Seeing Edward would be like the beginning of a new story, no matter what happened between us. I didn't regret waiting. We both had other things to discover at the time, preparing us for the now.

I was jerked from my thoughts when my cell phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Are you there yet?" Alice asked immediately. I chuckled.

"Not quite. Almost."

I heard her sigh in relief.

"I was worried," she said. "I had a strange dream."

"Oh?"

"Nothing bad," she assured me. "For you anyway. You got there and decided to not come back," she whimpered. I smiled warmly.

"I have to come back. You have my cat."

Alice laughed lightly.

"Scully misses you terribly. She sleeps on my face."

Now I laughed.

"She's the best. Is everything else alright?"

"We set a date," she whispered. This was huge news. She had been engaged to Jasper for almost a year, and started to plan her wedding even though she had no idea when it would be.

"That's great!"

She groaned.

"Jasper wants to elope," she nearly cried. I thought for a moment.

"You know what? That's pretty smart."

"Bella!"

"It is!" I argued. "You both hate big events, planning a wedding is driving you crazy, and you just want it to be done with. Eloping takes care of all those issues."

"I guess," she whispered.

"What are you afraid of?"

"Saying I do. I love him. I want to be married to him, but I'm still scared."

My mind instantly thought back to Meagan.

"I met someone on my trip. It was brief, but she told me something that helped me a lot. Don't let fear hold you back, Alice. Let it push you forward."

I heard her sniffle.

"That's brilliant." We laughed. "Okay. You're right."

"Just let me know, yeah?"

"You'll be the first call I make. And hey, you, too. You're almost there."

We got off the phone with both of us feeling much better about our current paths in life. I suddenly felt whole. Even if this didn't pan out like I had hoped, I was exactly where I should be. I felt strong. I prayed that feeling would stay.

.

.

I came to a tiny town in Park County. There was a market, a gas station, and a car shop all right next to each other. I felt like I was in the middle of nowhere. My cell service had dropped exponentially. I pulled into the gas station. A bell dinged as I came up beside the pump. I laughed seeing a man come out towards me.

"Regular?" He asked. I was still laughing as I got out of my car.

"You really don't have to do that," I said. "I can pump my own."

The man smiled.

"Chivalry isn't dead out here, ma'am."

I laughed again. He was tall and pale with light brown hair. On his bicep, there was a beautiful tattoo mural of the mountains. He caught me staring at it. I blushed.

"Pretty ain't it?"

"Very. It's so vivid," I said, leaning in closer. He extended his arm out to me. The mountains were a majestic purple and there was a river running through them with Aspen trees on the edge. I felt his eyes on my face.

The man suddenly dropped the nozzle out of my tank and cursed, picking it back up quickly. He went back to studying my face. I frowned, but let it go. I pulled the map out from my car and laid it flat on my hood.

"You look awfully familiar," the man said. I wasn't sure how to respond. He wasn't anyone I had ever seen before.

"Huh," was all I managed. I traced my finger along the roads on the map. My heart started to beat faster when I realized just how close to Edward's I was. The roads were a bit confusing because of how they seemed to overlap one another.

"Um," I stuttered. The man was still watching me. "Am I close to Fox Springs?"

"It's a mile down on the right," he replied distantly. He finished with my gas and I paid him quickly. I was eager to get away from his unrelenting stare. When I drove away, I felt better. I was able to focus on the task at hand. I wasn't ten minutes away from the event that would shape my future.

.

.

.

.

_My Bella,_

_May 30, 2007_

_After all these years writing back and forth I realized how fortunate I am to have you in my life. Everyone else that has deserted me has meant so little because I know that you're there. Even in distance, you comfort me._

_I'm dropping out, leaving next week. Jere and I will travel for a while and see where that gets us. A lot of it might be hitch hiking. Haha. I'll write as often as I can. Dad took everything from me, so I don't even have a phone, or I would give you my number. I can't wait to one day hear your voice._

_I know this is weird, me doing what I'm doing, but I feel like it will help me discover who I am, where I should be, and what I should be doing. I'll be better for you. I know we'll be together one day._

_I say we plan to meet when we are twenty eight. You'll be done with school, and I will make sure I am in one place._

_In any case, we meet then, the first day of fall of 2014 at my grandpa's ranch. He has a website. Search Cullen Stables, and come. I'll be there._

_I love you, Bella._

_-Edward_

* * *

**I am posting this because I might get pretty busy with family tomorrow! We are safe here in Dallas!**

**Check my Facebook page, Stories By Greye Granger for trip photos etc!**

**Next chapter will be our Edward...will he be there?**

**Love you guys! xox**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Fox Springs**

The man at the station was dead on in his directions. After one mile exactly, I was turning onto a dirt road. It was flat and I could see for miles, but I saw nothing except for the road. I frowned and wondered just how far back this ranch was. I was driving towards the mountains. I rolled the windows down.

Autumn air flooded into my car. It smelled sweet. I smiled and stuck my hand out the window, moving it through the wind like a wave. I controlled my breathing and said a small prayer.

After ten minutes, I was driving through trees. Two miles through them I came to a gate. Above it, there was a large old, sign that read, "Cullen Stables."

My heart was pounding in me like a drum. The gate was open, so I drove through it. After a sharp curve, I could see the main house. It was built from logs, and looked very old. The green, metal roof was new, though. To the left of the cabin there were bright, red barns. Barbwire fencing lined the property. In the distance I saw a few horses grazing the fields.

From everything I knew about Edward, this place was him. I could feel it. I neared the house and parked behind a rusty Ford. I turned the ignition off, but didn't get out right away. No one came out from the house. After one more deep breath, I got out and walked up the front porch steps. My hand was shaking as I knocked on the door.

I didn't hear any movement in the house. I walked to the edge of the porch and noticed that the lagest barn had its door open. I couldn't hear anything over the sound of my heart as I inched closer to the entry. The dirt was turning my boots a dusty color. I smelled horse maneure and hay. I stepped quietly into the barn. Horses were eating in their stalls, swiping flies away with their tails.

I was about half way in when I saw him. I stopped walking. My heart stopped thumping. Edward was kneeling down filling buckets with grain. His cowboy boots were dirty, his jeans worn, and his red, plaid shirt had sleeves that were rolled up to his elbows. I took another step and a bridle crunched beneath my boot. I froze. Edward didn't turn around, but he spoke, and I nearly melted.

"I thought you weren't coming until tomorrow, John," he said with a chuckle. His voice was deeper than I imagined. I didn't know what to say or do, so I stayed still. He picked up the buckets and turned around. His face was stricken with a wide array of emotions within a few seconds. First was shock, then disbelief, and finally, recognition that came with a smile.

"Bella?" He gasped. I smiled.

"Edward," I breathed. His dark brown eyes were alight with happiness. He set the buckets down.

"Oh, my God," he said. He came towards me quickly and before I could say anything else, he wrapped his arms around me, picking me up off the ground and twirling us around. We laughed together. The sound was beautiful. He set me down and held me at arms length.

"You look just the same," he said dreamily. The light beard on his face made him look different than what I knew him as. I liked it.

"You look scruffy," I teased. He dropped his arms and ran a hand through his hair sheepishly. "All you're missing is a cowboy hat."

He laughed and nodded to the right. I looked and saw his hat hanging on a nail. I giggled.

.

.

I was so worried about things being awkward, but it wasn't. We were just like we should be; old friends catching up on lost time. He showed me the horses and his set up in the barn. Everything was so well put together. I helped him finish with the horses and followed him into his cabin.

The inside nearly matched the barn decor. There were black and white photos of the Rocky Mountains, horses, and the property. I saw a couple of who I assumed was his grandpa, too. Edward looked like him. I walked slowly around the living room and Edward went to the kitchen.

"So, your grandpa..." I said slowly.

"Passed away about five years ago, but it was quick. He just fell asleep."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I put my hands behind my back and stared harder at a picture of his paternal grandfather.

"Yeah, but he's still very much alive here."

I smiled warmly.

"Drink?" He asked. "I have beer, orange juice...water?"

"A beer is fine," I said sweetly. Edward nodded and went to the fridge hastily. I came to the dining table and saw a pipe and two bowls. I picked one of the glass bowls up. It was well used and a bright yellow color. I snorted.

"Nice." Edward peeked up at me from the sink and smiled.

"I love Colorado," he mused. I smirked. "Surprised?" He asked.

I shrugged. It wasn't something I could see him not doing now that I thought about it.

"I never really thought about it," I said. "I mean, I have nothing against it or anything."

"Ever smoke any?"

I shrugged again.

"A couple times in college. Nothing too memorable."

Edward nodded and handed me a dark beer. I took a large drink.

"Have you eaten?" He asked.

"Yes. I stopped in Colorado Springs."

He nodded again. Suddenly, silence started to seap between us. I took another drink.

"Can I smoke?" I asked.

"Of course. Let's go to the back porch."

.

.

I sat across from him on a bench and crossed my legs. I lit a cigarette and watched him light a thin cigar. I couldn't help but stare at him. A large part of this still felt so surreal. He had tan skin, dark hair, dark eyes, and a kind smile. Everything about him was beautiful. I felt intimidated by it. We smoked quietly for a few minutes.

I wanted to say and ask so much, but I wasn't sure where to start. I wanted to know who he became. A darker part of me wished to know why he stopped writing me. Even if I couldn't write back because he was traveling, I still longed to hear from him. I wasn't sure he would ever understand how different that made my life.

"So," I finally said. "Tell me what you've been doing the last seven years?" I asked.

He patted his leg and sighed, stretching out in his chair.

"Well, I dropped out. Me and Jere took off to Idaho first, then got a bus to Montana. Even if we stayed in one state, we were never in the same town for more than a couple days. It was fun a first, until it got hard. Then we got into shit we shouldn't have."

He paused to drink his beer. I was frowning.

"Shit you shouldn't have?"

"Selling drugs," he replied..

"Did you get caught?"

"Once in the beginning. Before it was legal here, we sold to an undercover. I got thirty days jail time and a year probation."

"Wow," I breathed. "That sucks." I instantly felt stupid for my reply, but I wasn't sure what else to say.

"Shit happens," he said dismissively.

We drank and smoked in the quiet again. I was trying to take everything in, let it soak, and then reply.

"What about you?" He asked. I waved a hand in the air lightly. I had no big stories to tell.

"Uh, school." We laughed lightly. "I went to North Carolina and got my masters in journalism. I'm still rooming with Alice for the next year." I felt puny, but Edward was smiling at me.

"You look great," he said sweetly. My cheeks went crimson instantly. I shied away from his gaze.

"Thanks," I whispered.

"How long can you stay?"

"As long as you'll have me," I blurted. My face was on fire. Edward was smiling widely.

"I'll teach you to be a cowgirl," he teased, standing up. "That eats red meat every night, and drinks beer like a man."

I snorted and stood up, following him back into the house.

"You're hilarious," I said dryly. I was looking down at my feet, walking, when Edward stopped. I bumped into him. His hand clasped around my wrist to keep me from falling over. When I looked at his face, his dark eyes were on mine.

"Can you handle that, Bella?" He asked. His warm breath washed over my face. I nearly cowered because of how serious he sounded. I nodded simply. Luckily, I didn't break eye contact. I felt weak because of him, and that was unsettling. He let go of my wrist.

"Good."

* * *

**AH! There's Edward! What did you think of him so far? So much more to come... I posted a visual of Edward on my facebook page, Stories By Greye Granger. Go check it out! So sexy...**


	7. Chapter 7

**READ ME: A lot of you are wondering about when the "drama" kicks in. Don't worry. It's a'comin!**

**Please keep in mind, old and new readers of mine, that I write fairly realistically. NO ONE is perfect. My characters are always flawed. They make a lot of STUPID mistakes. You want to punch them, but that's real life. So don't hate me too much in coming chapters. This story is will have a HEA. ;) xox**

* * *

**Chapter 7: The Letters**

"So how is it?" Alice asked eagerly. I took a deep breath of the autumn air.

"Cold," I replied with a laugh.

"Lucky. Still hot as hades here. I wonder if fall will ever come."

"It's in full swing in Colorado. I think it dropped to fifty six last night."

"Speaking of last night," she hedged. I rolled my eyes.

"There's nothing to speak of. I went to sleep in the guest bedroom."

"Bummer," Alice whined. I nodded in agreement, even though she couldn't see me.

"The tension between us is so strong. He has to notice, right?"

"Men can't see well."

"We care for the horses, eat, smoke, drink, and talk. He's been teaching me to ride. I think we're going camping soon."

"Sounds kind of boring, Bella."

I laughed. Alice wasn't an outdoors girl.

"It's not, though. I just wish I had the balls to bring it up with him."

"Balls? Nice, Bella." Alice snorted. I chuckled. "Bring what up?"

"My feelings," I replied in a hushed voice.

"What do you feel?"

I paused to ponder my reply. I looked out across the property. The sun had yet to make its appearance over the mountains. Birds were chirping lively, and horses were grazing.

"I feel like he's holding back," I finally said. "Maybe he doesn't care about me in that way anymore?" I suggested sadly.

"I don't think that, but Bella, it's been a week. You don't have that much time left."

I took a sip of my coffee then sighed.

"I know, I know."

After getting off the phone with Alice, I started to feel restless. She put time into consideration, so I realized that time was against me. I didn't live here. I didn't have forever here. I knew I never wanted to leave, but not knowing what Edward thought was driving me crazy.

I started to reanalyze everything up to this point as I drank more coffee and stared out at Cullen Stables. It was breathtaking. The light was a deep shade of blue with a sliver of orange making itself known over the Rocky Mountains.

I couldn't even count how many times I've caught him staring at me. He flirts, but it never gets anywhere serious. It's actually more like teasing. I wondered if I was doing something that caused him to hold back. Did I give him the wrong impression? I was very good at being subtle, but maybe I needed to give him something more to work with. I hadn't been very forthcoming. That was going to change.

.

.

.

.

"What did you go into town for this morning?" Edward asked quietly.

"I found a tube of lipstick wrapped up in a blanket in my car and I mailed it to Bethany."

"Bethany?"

"Mhmm. A girl a met on my trip here."

"I would've gone with you," he said sweetly, going over to his horse. I loved the smell of the barn.

"You were asleep. It was a quick trip," I assured him. Edward smiled. I felt his eyes on me.

"So, like this?" I asked, pulling the rope over the pack of blankets on my horse. He looked up from his task and smiled, coming over to me. His hand wrapped around mine and pulled. His skin was soft, but rough; the perfect combination.

"Just like that. Make sure it's secure. If it moves at all, it'll sway when you ride."

I swallowed hard and nodded as I pulled the rope tighter. Edward let his hand fall from mine slowly, then went back to his horse. We had a light breakfast, fed the animals, and were packing up for our camping trip. It wasn't entirely for fun, because Edward had a feeling there were a couple fences down at the edge of the property. Since the land was so vast, we decided it would be more of an adventure to camp.

Edward finished shoeing his black horse, then came over to check mine. I stepped back and watched him bend over, take the horse by the foot, lodge it between his knees, and start picking dirt out. I could see the muscles in his tan, forearms flex. The hair on his arms was a golden color, so much lighter than the hair on his head. He moved to the next foot, and then the next.

"What are you smiling at?" He asked. My face immediately frowned, and my cheeks burned.

"Nothing," I mumbled.

"Sure," he laughed. "You're checking me out."

"Oh, yes," I said nervously. "Plucking shit from horse hooves really turns me on," I lied. Edward laughed loudly. My chest eased.

"If this doesn't, what does?" He retorted.

I froze up again. Edward noticed and started to laugh. I knew he was teasing, but why did I have to be so gullible? He finished with my horse and I had yet to reply.

"You're fun, Bella," he said, nudging my shoulder as he passed.

"You're a tease," I replied. He turned to look back at me.

One of his eyebrows raised. When he winked, I nearly died. He fixed his saddle and then mounted. I smirked and got on my horse. I positioned myself comfortably, threw my braided hair to the side, and grabbed my reins. It amazed me how comfortable I felt on a horse. It was like a second nature to me. Edward had put his hat on. Once again, I was staring, but this time I caught myself and was able to look away in time.

"You ready?" He steadied his ride. There was another horse attached to his that carried more supplies.

I nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay, cowgirl," he laughed. And we left the barn.

.

.

.

.

We spent the day traveling west. It got hotter than I had hoped, but by the time dusk arrived, it cooled exponentially. I was surprised that we had yet to reach any fencing. We passed cows that Edward told me stories of. Apparently they're on the property but rarely seen for a couple months at a time. They breed, eat, and sleep all on their own. They're good for the land, and low maintenance, so Edward keeps them.

We made camp about a mile away from the tree line. Edward said that despite all of the baren land we traveled on today, most of his property was foraged. I couldn't wait for that tomorrow. There was a fire going and our beds set up on either side of it. There wasn't any rain in the forecast, so we didn't have to put up a tent, which kind of made me sad since he only had one, meaning we would have to share. For now, I was going to take what I could get.

We cooked hotdogs and beans. I devoured my plate. Being in the sun always took a lot out of me.

"Apply more sunscreen tomorrow," Edward said. He laid on his side, perched up by his elbow.

"Ugh, I know," I whined. My neck was on fire. I rubbed it.

We got quiet, listening to the night. The fire cracked between us.

"We should have brought a board game," Edward laughed. I sipped my beer and had a thought.

"I have a better idea." I dug in my back pack and pulled out my binder, holding it up to show him. Edward cocked his head to one side in confusion.

"Our letters," I said. "We should read some."

"Yes," Edward breathed though a laugh. "Pick a good one."

I shook my head.

"You first." I tossed him the binder.

He began flipping through it. I watched him with adoring eyes.

"I'm so glad you have them like this."

"Me too," I whispered.

"What year did I take sex-ed?"

"Uh, beginning of senior year?" I guessed.

"Perfect. I'm finding a letter for you to read."

"What? Me? No, you!" I insisted.

"Uh-uh," he fought. He tossed the book back. "Your reply to my asking if you'd lost your virginity."

I huffed, clearly embarrassed. "You have to read me what you sent first." He rolled his eyes but complied, grabbing the binder.

I wasn't so worried about my feelings anymore. Reading our letters outloud had to be the best idea I ever had.

* * *

**I'm early, but tomorrow I have my daughter's birthday party, so here ya go!**

**The banner for this story is phenomenal! Mina gave me something way better than I had pictured. Come see it at Stories by Greye Granger on Facebook! I'm so in love. Major thanks to her.**

**Also a huge thanks to Pam, my pre reader. She's so wonderful. So encouraging. I owe her.**

**I don't know about y'all, but I am obsessing over Cowboyward...maybe that's my true calling in writing? Anytime I try something else lately, he always becomes a cowboy. Maybe I could do a cowboy cop...?**

**Can't wait for you all to read the next chapter! ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Virginity**

_Dear Bella,_

_August 30, 2002_

_I'm so glad it's my senior year. It can't go by soon enough. Home life sucks, as usual. I try to stay out as much as possible._

_But, guess what? They're making us take a sex ed class this year. Again. We took one freshman year, but I guess the state wanted another one because shit, so many teen pregnancies._

_Let me tell you a secret._

_I myself am a virgin. Surprise, surprise! Jeremiah sleeps with anything on two legs. I can't handle that shit. It's not that I don't want to, but every girl I've met is so annoying._

_Jesus, I sound like a prude. Some romantic idiot, huh?_

_I've done things, don't get me wrong. Stupid things. A lot of girls at parties that I swapped spit with (isn't that saying gross? Grandpa George calls it that). I almost had sex, but I was drunk, and high, and I think the girl was actually a hooker that Jere's dad used. Woops._

_So what about you, Bella? Any juicy stories?_

_Love,_

_Edward_

.

.

.

.

Hearing Edward read to me was more fulfilling than I imagined. I myself had read that letter countless times, but hearing it from his mouth was like the first time. He looked up to me with a cheesy grin.

"God, I was weird," he said, tossing the binder back to me.

"No, you weren't," I defended.

"That hooker scared me to death. I'm so glad Jeremiah broke it up before it really got somewhere," he said cringing.

I laughed loudly.

"I love the swapping spit. And that you called yourself a prude," I said, still rolling with laughter.

"Ha, ha," he retorted. I made an annoying spit sound with my mouth to tease him. Edward huffed and urged me on to read my reply. I straightened myself up and swallowed a gulp of beer before starting. I felt Edward's eyes on me.

.

.

.

.

_Dear Edward,_

_September 9, 2002_

_What a question to answer. I bet the anticipation is killing you! Haha._

_I am a virgin. I plan to stay that way for a while, too. Not only because of all the horror stories I hear from Jessica, but because I think it's too personal of a thing to just give away, you know?_

_I want to find a good relationship, in college, on my own, and go from there. No wham, bam, thank you, ma'ams for me._

_As for "other stuff," I haven't done much of that either. I made out at a party and it was awful. The guy thought my tongue was a punching bag or something. Good grief._

_Anyway...I hope that answered your question well enough ;)_

_Love,_

_Bella_

.

.

.

.

Edward was snickering as I finished reading. I felt like I was doing a speech in front of a class room without any clothes on. My ears burned.

"What?" I scoffed.

"Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am?" He said, beginning to laugh.

I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up!" I played back. "You spit swapper."

"At least no other tongue has tried to beat mine up!" He retorted. We both laughed hard, clutching our sides. It felt good.

"So, when did you lose it, Bella?" He said, his normal voice returning. I nearly choked on beer.

"Uh. Um," I mumbled. "College."

Edward's eyes widened and his eyebrows raised, as if he was telling me to go on.

"And?" He hedged, after I didn't say more.

"And I lost it in college to a guy named Hugh," I said quickly, trying to dismiss it. Edward frowned.

"Hugh? I don't remember a Hugh."

"Yeah, well it was in graduate school. Hugh was...a teacher," I coughed.

"Oh, ho, ho!" Edward boomed. My face felt like it was literally on fire. "The plot thickens."

"It was one time...that happened on a few occasions..."

"Whoa, so like a teacher student affair?" He was clearly intrigued, and that kind of made me excited. I caught Edward's eyes look me up and down quickly. "Was he older?"

"Yes. About fifteen years older. He was one of my professors. It lasted for one semester, and then he transferred."

"Oh," Edward said quietly. "Were you sad?"

"Yeah," I said with a shrug. "But I knew he was moving to another school anyway."

A small twinge of anger hit me. Edward wasn't in my life during that time, and I wished he was.

"I'm sorry," he said kindly.

"There's a lot you don't know about those seven years on my end, too, you know," I said. Edward frowned deeply, but still looked at me. Normally his eyes were quite easy to read, but they looked clouded. I got a strange feeling inside me. The hairs on my neck stood up. I felt naked under his stare.

"When did you lose it?" I blurted, wanting to change the subject. He finally blinked.

"College as well. I never mentioned it because it was pointless. I can't even remember their names. I was stupid," he said angrily. This was a new side to him. He was always so light and superficial. He never scratched the surface of things.

"Live and learn," I said smiling, trying to brighten him back up. Edward drank his beer and shrugged.

"I've never had good, sober sex."

I frowned.

"Good sex in general? Or just good sex when sober? Is there bad sex? For a guy I mean." I shut my mouth. I was rambling. Edward laughed.

"What I mean is, good sex when you feel a strong connection with the other person. There's been plenty of sex, but nothing very meaningful." Again, his eyes came on me hard. It made me so uneasy.

"Now we're getting somewhere," I teased, looking away from him. Edward smirked.

"Was it good with Hugh?"

"Yeah," I answered immediately.

"That was a quick reply."

"I don't have to think about it much," I said with a shrug. "I had a connection with him. It wasn't a wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. He was kind. Gentle. He cared about me."

Edward thought quietly for a moment. I felt awkward telling him all of that, even a little sad, too. Not really for me, but for him. I noticed that we had both finished our beers, so I got up and went to the small cooler, gabbing two more. I sat next to him and opened the cans.

"What's the matter?" I asked, passing him his drink.

"Nothing," he said lightly. "I'm glad you're here, Bella. I'm glad you came."

"Did you think I wouldn't?" I asked in confusion. Edward shrugged. We were sitting side by side, our legs crossed Indian style and looking at the fire.

"Were you waiting for me?" I asked quietly.

He looked to me. His eyes were big and brown. I couldn't ignore the electricity that I felt pulsing between us. It was more alive than ever. Before I could think any further, or let him reply, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. Something exploded within me. I felt powerful. Edward stayed still, but his lips stayed connected to mine until I slowly pulled back. He had a sad expression on his face.

"What?" I whispered.

"Bella, I large part of me wishes you wouldn't have come."

"Well, that ruins the moment," I mumbled.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he replied, ripping at his hair.

All the power I felt two seconds ago had completely vanished.

"I don't understand," I said. He sighed heavily.

"Honestly, I thought you had forgotten about me. After so long, I made myself think that. I had no idea how to contact you. No address. No number. I don't even own a computer. I have a cell phone that rarely gets used. No mail here. Nothing."

"What are you trying to tell me?" I said, annoyed. "Because you haven't really told me shit since I got here. It's not what I was expecting."

He paused and looked back to the fire. His shoulders slumped and his breathing hitched, as if he was trying to hold his breath.

"I'm married," he exhaled.

Suddenly, my heart broke into a million pieces.

* * *

**Bring on the angry reviews...! Don't hate me too much. There's still a lot to uncover.**

**I'm posting early, again, just because I feel like it. And I'm really, really, really sad about Robin Williams' passing. RIP.**

**Thank you all for your continued support and repping this story out. xox**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Darkness**

"You're married... And you didn't tell me because?" I shouted, standing up quickly.

"Because I don't want to be," he whispered quietly.

"Uh, okay?" I was clearly angry. I stalked back to my bed on the ground and turned away from him, looking out into the darkness. It's where I felt we were; in the darkness with no light to guide us to one another.

"We're separated. Her name is-"

"I don't care, Edward," I said, holding a hand up to stop him.

"It's..." I could hear him struggle for the words. "Insanely complicated."

"You're married, separated, whatever. Good for you. I just made a fool out of myself. End of story." I was fuming.

"No, Bella, wait," he argued. I heard him stand up. I placed a hand on my hip and chugged my beer, tossing the empty can to the side.

"Fuck! How can you be married! I don't understand you. The Edward I knew isn't this. You don't tell me anything, but you flirt, but you don't? It's incredibly confusing and I'm tired of trying to figure it out."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I've been in a dark place for so long. I honestly thought you wouldn't come, and I was just going to stay in this shitty life, but then you showed up and..."

"And what?" I snapped, still not turning to face him. Unwanted tears were forming in my eyes.

"And I realized how much I wanted you," he whispered sadly. I spun around quickly.

"Then have me!" I cried.

Edward looked up from the ground. His eyes were full of anguish. It was heartbreaking until they changed to something completely different. It was as if he was waging a war against himself. Lust and longing overtook him. It was plain as day to see. He quickly closed the gap between us, and wrapped his arms around my back, pressing me to him. His lips crashed to mine hard and loud, like thunder.

I met his need with my own, and we meshed together as one. A part of me wanted things to slow down, so that I could savor every moment, but the intensity inside me wouldn't allow it. Clothes were somehow removed and I was on my back on my sleeping bag with Edward between my legs. I was surprised to still be breathing through our kissing and thrusting. Edward pushed into me. I moaned and wrapped my legs around his back securely, pulling him in further.

Through the sounds of our pleasure, I felt complete ecstasy. All of my questions went away for now, and there was nothing but us. Edward held me the entire night. His grip was tight, as if he were afraid that I would vanish.

I didn't know this dark Edward. He had things about him that I wasn't sure I would ever get to know, but here I was, with him, walking into the darkness

.

.

.

.

The following morning came sooner than I wanted it to. I was tired and my back ached. Edward was making coffee over the fire, his bed all packed and horses ready to go. He had a bright smile on his face.

"Morning," he chirped. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. They were heavy from sleep.

"Hi," I replied groggily.

"Damn, I slept good," he boasted. I smiled lightly. My hair was tangled and my clothes were in the grass. I blushed and pulled the sleeping bag up closer to my neck.

"I'm glad."

"Last night was perfect." He was still smiling. It was infectious. All of my questions had slowly started to return, and it made me angry. I didn't want to think of the bad, or rough things. I wanted it to stay light forever. I grabbed my clothes and awkwardly put them on under the blanket. Edward watched me with bright eyes.

"You're so beautiful," he said. My heart melted. His gaze was warm and inviting.

"Thanks," I stuttered. I was beginning to think that all he needed was to get laid. I smiled inwardly at myself feeling proud. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed.

"What is it?" He asked.

"You're married."

"Separated," he corrected.

"Still. I just...feel weird. Shameful."

"Don't," he snapped. I looked at his eyes. "Dont," he said again. I nodded slowly and decided to try and not.

.

.

We were back on our horses nearing the tree line not a half hour later. I was eating dry cereal from a bag and sipping on coffee. Today, Edward rode next to me instead of in front of me. He reached his hand out and took mine, holding it firmly. I lifted it up and kissed his knuckles. I felt peaceful, so I decided that it was now or never to try and get some answers.

"What's her name?" I asked quietly. Edward didn't look at me. I saw his face fall slightly and his hand loosen.

"Krystal," he replied easily.

"Where is she?"

"In Denver."

"Working?" We were back to a clamped up Edward, but I wasn't having it.

"She's training for the police academy," he replied quietly. I frowned.

"How old is she?"

"Younger."

"Edward," I snapped. He sighed and finally looked at me, releasing my hand in the process.

"She's twenty three."

Now I was even more curious. A young police officer?

"When did you get married?"

"Do we have to talk about this right now?" He huffed. "I want to enjoy this. I want to enjoy us. When we get back, everything changes."

"To what, Edward? I go home and you get back to being married?"

He threw a hand through his hair roughly, then rubbed his face.

"I don't know. It's a delicate thing between her and I."

"Okay?" I replied in confusion. Edward stopped his horse, so I stopped mine. His eyes were filled with something I didn't quite recognize. Was it longing? Desperation?

"Later, okay? Please, Bella."

I sighed, giving it up. I didn't want to argue, or beat it out of him either.

"Later," I agreed. I could wait. His smile returned and he leaned over to kiss my mouth. It was warm and sweet, leaving me wanting more.

.

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.

.

We rode through the forest talking about how pretty the trees were and why we loved the autumn season so much. The conversations were kept light and flirty, and I enjoyed it. I knew we would return to the darkness, but not now. I was surprisingly okay with that. I was afraid of losing him after all this. He was promised to someone else. I had the will in me to fight for him, but I wasn't so sure that was necessary yet.

The way his body language changed whenever we got close to something serious really worried me. I didn't want to push him too far, for fear of not getting what little of him I had back.

It all felt too familiar. This would be the second sordid affair of my life. I didn't feel like myself, but maybe someone I was becoming, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. All I knew for certain was that I wanted Edward. But that had me wondering which side of him I did want since I knew nothing about the past seven years. For now, I would take what I could get because I didn't care about the rest.

* * *

**Well, I'm glad MOST of you are still along for the ride. Probably because you remember that this IS going to have a HEA. So enjoy the ride, readers! There's a lot to uncover!**

**People are fucked up. I write about them. End of story.**

**I can't wait for you to read more...**

**"You're only given only little spark of madness. You musn't lose it." **


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: The River**

It was late afternoon when we came to a river. The fence line was just on the other side of it. I quickly dismounted my white horse and went to the bank. The river was fairly wide and flowing slowly. It was peaceful. With how hot the day had been again, I wanted to jump in. I turned to face Edward and nearly screamed when I bumped into him standing right behind me. He smiled and grabbed my waist.

He quickly pulled my shirt up over my head before I could say anything. I began to unbutton his and he messed with his belt. We got down to our underwear still holding each other. The hair on his chest was dark and soft. I rubbed my hand through it freely. Edward started to laugh.

"It tickles," he said.

I smiled giddily. His hands went up and down my back and then my bra covered chest. I was about to kiss him, but he picked me up. I screamed playfully and clutched his neck.

"It's gonna be cold," he said, stepping back from the bank.

I frowned and started to protest, but Edward ran, jumping off the ground at the edge and we landed in the river. The water was shockingly cold, but refreshing at the same time. I broke free from Edward and swam up to the surface. I took a deep breath of warm air and pushed my hair back from my face, laughing.

Edward surfaced a foot away from me. He flipped his head back, his hair throwing water droplets at me. I swam to him and hugged him again. My les wrapped around his torso and my arms around his neck. He held me securely beneath my thighs. My teeth chattered.

"Cold girl," he said, pulling me closer. I laughed as we floated together down river some.

"It feels good," I assured him.

I tossed my head back and looked up. The trees leaned over the river bank like a canopy. A lot of the leaves had lost their green color. It made me smile wider. Then, I thought of something, so I looked back to Edward who was staring at me.

"Last night," I began carefully. Edward nodded. He was slowly walking us threw the water up river to our horses. "Was it...like what you've been missing? You know, that connection?"

Edward smiled the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. He kissed my cheek.

"It was even better," he whispered. I smiled and hugged him feeling content, and even a little proud. Edward started to snicker.

"I realized something this morning, though," he said. "I uh, didn't have any protection... I should have stopped," he said awkwardly. I pulled back and looked at his eyes. They were sorry.

"Birth control," I answered quickly. Edward nodded and was about to say something else, but I kissed him instead. He matched his need with mine and our kiss grew stronger. I never knew such passion was possible. I ran one of my hands through his hair.

Then, my teeth chattered against his mouth. Edward chuckled.

"Come on cold, girl." He hoisted me out of the water and onto the bank. "Let's make camp here. We can do the fences in the morning and make it half way back home tomorrow."

My heart sank a little. Going back meant returning to real life. I would much rather stay in this troubled romance novel we had somehow begun to write for ourselves.

.

.

.

.

Edward was cooking over the fire when I finished making my bed. I unsaddled my horse and stroked her face as I watched him. He heated beef stew and poured it into two bowls. Like the night before, I ate my quickly, finishing it down with a cold beer. I drank more water through the day, and applied more sunscreen, so I was feeling good. Although, I wasn't sure my ass would ever get used to being on a horse. It ached no matter which way I sat.

After eating, Edward took out his little baggy of marijuana. He packed a bowl and took two hits. I watched him curiously.

"Why do you do it?" I asked casually. He shrugged as he exhaled.

"Shuts my brain off," he stated simply. "Does it bother you?"

"No, no," I replied truthfully. "Now if it were heroin..."

We laughed.

"No heroine for me. Do you want a hit?" He asked, passing the bowl.

"I'm okay," I said. "I like my thoughts running for now." He chuckled. I lit a cigarette and laid down on my side to take the weight off my sore tail bone.

"Will you sleep with me again?" I asked quietly.

"Notice I didn't make my bed," he said smiling. He winked at me and my heart started to beat faster.

"So, whatever happened to your parents?" I asked. Edward finished his beer and stood up. He started to get undressed.

"I heard from mom a few years ago. Same ole same. Nothing changes for them."

"Do you miss them?"

"Not at all," he replied flatly. "Do you miss your aunt and uncle?"

"I miss who they were. Now they're selfish." Edward nodded knowingly.

"How's Alice?"

"Great. I think she's going to elope, which is smart."

"Interesting. And Penny?" He asked.

"As good as ever. I was so glad I got to see her."

"What about that girl Jessica? Last I heard-"

"She had the baby and put it up for adoption. I saw her about a year ago and she was pregnant again," I said.

"Shew," Edward breathed. I nodded in agreement.

"What about Jeremiah?" I asked.

"Oh, he's here. Got himself a little place and took over the local gas station."

My eyes widened.

"Oh, my God. I saw him! I stopped there for gas and he recognized me."

Edward laughed loudly.

"I bet he was thoroughly confused."

"That makes sense now," I said, laughing with him. Edward was down to his boxers when he came over to me. We crawled into the sleeping bag and he held me close. I grabbed his left hand and traced his ring finger. Edward knew what I was thinking.

"I hate jewelry."

"Oh," I whispered. I decided to let it go, push it away.

"Tell me about your trip here," he said sleepily.

"It went by fast," I started. "I met some neat people along the way, though. The girl I mentioned, Bethany, was on her way to meet a guy, too. I'm going to write to her when this is all over with. I met another woman in New Mexico named Meagan. She was sweet, and really pretty. She helped calm my fear about coming," I finished in a whisper.

"What were you afraid of?" He asked. I didn't answer right away.

"Everything that this situation has become," I finally replied truthfully. Edward squeezed me tighter and sighed. I could feel his breath on my neck. The river flowed quietly behind us, creating a great white noise. When the trees blew in the breeze, the Aspen leaves almost sounded like a wind chime. It comforted me.

"What did she tell you?"

"To not let fear hold me back, but to let it push me forward," I whispered. "It's what got me here."

"Are you afraid?"

"Of losing you."

"No, are you afraid of me?"

My chest suddenly constricted painfully, and I swallowed hard. His voice was deep and had no emotion in it.

"No," I finally said.

My voice didn't shake, and that surprised me, because now I was a little scared. Not necessarily of him, but what he had in him. I was beginning to think that Edward Cullen was a time bomb just waiting to go off, and I wasn't sure I would survive the blow.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Runner**

We slept through the night tangled up together. I held onto him as tightly as he did me. I didn't sleep deeply, always waking up to snuggle closer into his chest. I smelled him, kissed him, and watched him, now able to savor every inch. I woke up first, and was doing all of that when his eyes finally opened.

He smiled immediately and kissed my head. I wanted him more than ever. I needed him one last time. I made that known when my hand went to his boxers. Edward responded quickly.

"I want this forever," I whispered. He touched my lips with his index finger, but didn't reply. It worried me, but I pushed it away.

We made love slowly. It was emotionally painful for me. When did I become such a masochist? He kissed every inch of my body and laid on my chest. I rubbed his hair, and let one tear fall from my eye. I knew from the beginning that things may not be right between us. I knew the stakes, I knew what could be lost, so I wasn't very surprised. Looking back, I wouldn't have changed anything. The time I've had him, was worth it all.

.

.

I really wished I could call Penny. I needed that refresh on life again. But more so, I needed my answers from Edward. If this was the end, I would move on. I would be fine after a while. At least, that's what I was telling myself as we fixed fences all morning. Each tool I handed him, he made sure his fingers grazed mine. When he moved past me, our bodies touched for just a second, but for long enough. We were quiet today, but I wasn't going to complain. I knew the talking would come soon enough.

I was beginning to grow more curious about Krystal, too. Edward kept his eyes on me a lot as we were riding back towards his home. I would catch him every now and then and he would smile softly. When I thought of Alice, I remembered time. It wasn't my friend here. I thought about what she would have to say about all of this which would be much different than Penny's perspective. Both of them equally helpful, and since I didn't have either of them on hand, I played it out in my head, hoping for wisdom.

Penny would be understanding. She would tell me that Edward has his reasons, his own pain, and that I should be open to listening instead of getting angry. She would say that people make mistakes in life, and sometimes they need help fixing those mistakes.

Alice on the other hand, would be furious. She would have me leave as soon as we got back to Cullen Stables if not sooner. I sighed. Edward noticed, looking to me with raised eyebrows. I came up with a random question.

"Ever thought about having kids?" I immediately regretted choosing that one.

"Hmm," Edward pondered. "I mean, yeah, of course. I'm always afraid of becoming my father in too many ways, though, but I do want kids. At least a kid. Do you?"

"I can't really have kids," I whispered. Edward's eyes widened. Our horses walked side by side easily. I stared straight ahead. "Five years ago I had to have one of my ovaries removed from a ruptured cyst, and then I was diagnosed with endometriosis." Edward was watching me, but I couldn't look at him.

"I didn't really want to bring it up, but it's just something else you didn't know that happened in our separation period," I finished in a whisper.

He was quiet, and that started to bother me.

"Bella, I'm sorry," he finally said.

I shrugged.

"I've come to terms with it as much as I can."

"I mean about everything." He sighed heavily. "How different things would have been if I had just stuck with school."

"School wasn't for you, Edward. It happens."

"Even so, it really fucked things up."

Everything that I was dying to know started to bubble out of me like lava.

"When did you come here?"

"It's been five years."

"How did you meet Krystal?"

"Through mutual people."

"What's she like?"

"She's...interesting," he said easily.

"Do you love her?"

Edward sighed.

"Are we playing twenty questions?"

"If that's what it takes to get it out of you," I snapped.

"Why are you so anxious to know the little details?"

"I was unaware that love was a little detail. Edward, this isn't me. I don't like who I'm becoming. I feel so attached to you, but I'm not going to sit around while you have a sort of wife, and me on the side."

"Bella, what do you want from me?" He asked annoyed. I was about to tell him that I wanted whatever he would give me, but anger and sanity took over instead. I looked out ahead of us and saw that night was coming.

"I want everything," I said simply. "I want the truth. I want whatever it is you're hiding."

"I can't give you that."

"Why?" I yelled. "What are you so afraid of?"

He didn't look at me, or reply. I groaned in anger, dug my heels into my horse, and slapped the reins. She took off beneath me and we were galloping into the dark. I heard Edward call my name, but I didn't look back. Tears were running down my face until the wind caught them. Then, Edward was at my side.

"Stop," he yelled. I didn't listen. "What are you doing?"

"Leaving," I shouted.

He sped up until he was well ahead of me and turned, stopping his horse in front of mine. I pulled back on the reins and came to a halt. We were breathing heavily, staring at one another. I really did feel like I was a cowgirl of some sorts. I pictured us in a western film at a stand off. I wished I had a revolver.

Edward got off his horse abruptly, came over to me, and ripped the reins from my hands.

"We're making camp. Get off," he ordered.

"No," I snapped. He rolled his eyes and put a hand on my leg, pulling. I huffed and dismounted.

"What were you thinking?" He asked.

"I want to go."

He threw an arm towards the sky. "Into that?" He asked. "It's going to storm, and it's dark. We're making camp."

"Whatever," I replied. I ripped the blankets from my horse and started to lay them out off in the distance. None of my thoughts were making sense since they were clouded with anger. I didn't want to see him, speak to him, or even hear him.

.

.

An hour later, Edward had a tent set up and a fire going. He cooked hotdogs and green beans. He was two beers deep when he brought me a plate. I took it, ate it, then laid down in silence. Thunder began to rumble above us. I heard Edward unzip the tent.

"Bella, come on."

"No."

"Let's go. It's gonna rain and there'll be lightening."

"Leave me alone!"

I was being petty, but I didn't care. I never felt so strongly about wanting to be away from someone before. He mumbled obscenities under his breath. Suddenly, I was off the ground and in his arms in my sleeping bag.

"Stop!" I yelled. Edward held me tighter as I thrashed around. We got in the tent and he dropped me.

"Why are you so fucking stubborn?"

"Why are you an asshole?" I retorted.

Edward rolled his eyes and turned on the lantern that hung in the center at the top of the tent. He lit a cigarette which reminded me to do the same. I laid down and looked up. The ceiling of the tent had mesh air pockets to release smoke. I smoked quickly.

"I'm no good, Bella. No good for you."

"That's not for you to decide."

"I've done a lot of bad things."

"I don't care what you've done," I said simply, still not looking to him.

"You will," he said darkly.

"Try me."

* * *

**Oh, boy! Next chapter we hear Edward's story... ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Explosion**

"I came here five years ago and lived in Colorado Springs with Jeremiah. We met a guy, Joe, that took us in off the streets. I could've gone to the ranch, but I wasn't ready. Grandpa died, my parents were shit, so all I really had was Jere and Joe."

I didn't turn to look at him as he spoke, but I figured he preferred it that way.

"Joe was old enought to be our dad. He was smart, tough, and knowledgable. He was trying to start up his own trade, with me and Jere as the runners. Joe made the deals, we pushed them. He had all the know how and facility to produce pounds of marijuana and cocaine. We were flying high, literally. There was more money than we could ever use. After a year, everyone came to us. It took me that long to realize that I was owned by it, by Joe. I made my money, so I was ready to leave. The ranch was waiting for me, but Joe wouldn't have it."

I was now on my second cigarette, listening intently to every word he said.

"When I told him I wanted to go, he threatened me. He would say, 'How could you leave me? How can you do this to us? You can't just leave, Edward.' So I stayed a few more months, planning my escape. I didn't understand. He had plenty of employees at this point, but none of them he trusted as strongly."

He broke to sigh, smoke, and take a drink of beer.

"It was December and Jeremiah was sick, so me and Joe went to sell to a large group of mexians that came all the way up to see us. They wanted to test the product, and if they liked it, we would be golden. They did, of course. Like it, I mean. We walked away richer than ever. But that wasn't enough for Joe. We could have sold everything we had, and gotten away, but he couldn't do it. We were at the park doing a small drop off and got in a fight. The buyers called the coke cheap and refused to pay us. Joe killed them."

Edward's breathing was harsh, and his last words were said in a whisper. My heart was on edge now, dreading to hear the end of his story.

"Joe blamed me. I had nothing to do with making the drugs, but he didn't care. He wouldn't take any blame. He beat me bad until Jere came home and yanked him off me. But then Joe pulled a gun. I was on the floor bleeding to death. I could hardly breath as I watched him beat Jeremiah. He would have killed him, but I got up. I hit his back with a lamp and grabbed the gun he dropped. Just before he could hit me again, I pulled the trigger. He died slowly, but I didn't care. I watched him die."

Tears were running down my face. I couldn't swipe them away fast enough. Edward's voice had never sounded so hollow before.

"We torched the damn place and ran. I came here, and never looked back. Cops didn't even care. There was no investigation. They were just glad the bastard was gone, but never as glad as me."

I wiped my face and sat up. Edward's eyes were watery.

"And Krystal?" I asked quietly.

Edward snorted.

"Krystal is Joe's daughter."

My heart sank. I suddenly felt like this situation was now insurmountable. I was up against a brick wall. Edward sighed.

"She barely knew Joe, just that he was a drug dealer and murderer. I guess it's why she's so keen on becoming a cop. I would see her on the holidays when Joe would visit her behind her moms back. We would wait outside her school, or local gym. She was happy to see him, but more happy to see me. She's a good girl. Joe made me swear to him, that if anything ever went south, I would care for Krystal. Little does she know, I killed her fucking dad."

"God," I whispered. "I don't really know what to say."

"There is nothing to say," he replied simply. He lit another cigarette. "I'm no better than Joe."

"It was self defense," I argued. Edward shrugged.

"Jeremiah thought we could've just knocked him out cold and took off, but he would find us. He would never let us live."

"How did you and Krystal get together afterwards?"

"She found me here. She came up crying, and I thought, 'Oh, shit. She knows I did it,' but I was wrong. She was crying because she thought I had died, too. Even if she knew the truth, she wouldn't care."

"So you felt obligated?" I asked, trying to figure it out.

"Yeah," he said strongly. "Don't get me wrong, though. It was fun. She was fun. Having her took my mind away from the dark shit that never seemed to let go of me. She liked me so much, but then started to get weird. Tired of me, maybe. She wanted a wedding, a big family, and a pretty ring. We had all that, minus the family."

"Oh," I whispered. "And you don't want it now?"

"I never truly did. Not with her. She's...kind of a bitch. It's just her personality, really. I don't want to make excuses for her, but she has been through a lot, except now she's selfish. It's because her mother gave her anything she wanted. I don't think we've ever shared love. It was all lust. Almost like, we took our frustrations out through each other by sex."

I swallowed hard. I didn't want to hear this, but he needed to tell me, so I kept listening.

"It's pathetic, but she was hard to resist. I felt powerless."

"So you just ended it before she left for Denver?"

"I tried. We got in a fight and then she left. Not three weeks went by before she called to tell me that she's pregnant and would be back here this weekend after visiting her mother."

"Pregnant?" I nearly choked.

"She can't be," he said lightly. "I use a condom and she has the birth control insert."

"Edward," I snapped. "She could have removed it." He looked at me and shrugged.

"I don't believe her. She knows I want a divorce, so she's doing everything she can to avoid that. I can't believe I was so stupid. If you hadn't of shown up, I would have stayed the same because I didn't care. I didn't care about anything."

I sighed heavily, suddenly feeling exhausted. My mind was fried.

"So now what?" I asked, clearly drained.

"If she divorces me, I could lose the ranch. And, Bella, I don't want you to go, but I don't know how to keep you, either. I have so many dark things that I haven't ever dealt with. I wouldn't know where to begin, let alone try and have a stable relationship with you."

"You can get through it. You talking to me right now is already a step forward. Just...let me in."

He held my eyes with his and smiled lightly. Edward was broken, lost, and alone. I wasn't sure I knew exactly how to help, but I would try. I got up and he opened his arms to me. I cradled into his lap and kissed his neck.

"I care so much about you, Bella, but I won't say that I don't have feelings for her. I won't lie to you."

"Good," I whispered. "I can't handle anymore lies or secrecy. But I need to know if you want to be with me. If you think you'll get back with her, tell me now, and let me leave."

"I want you. But, as much as I hate her, we've shared time together that I can't just erase that easily."

"I don't expect any of this to be easy," I whispered.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Electric**

Our ride back to Cullen Stables was going by faster than I wanted. We could see the house in the distance, and each step that we took, bringing us closer, made my stomach churn. The sun was bright above, but not near as hot as it had been. I had a sweater on and my hair down. Edward wore his hat, a white t-shirt, and those dirty jeans I loved so much. I sighed.

"Will she be there?" I asked, nodding up towards the house.

"If she isn't, it won't be long."

"What happens when she gets there?"

"I have to talk to her," he replied easily.

"Okay."

"Alone," he added.

"Will she hate me?" I asked in a whisper. Edward's head snapped in my direction.

"No," he said quickly. "She has no reason to. She'll hate me. And I've told her about you before." My eyebrows raised.

"You have?" I asked, surprised. Edward nodded with a small smile. "What did you say?"

"That you're my best friend." His eyes did another quick once over of my body.

My heart warmed, and I began to feel better about what was to come. Not good, but I was hopeful.

.

.

We put our horses away securely along with the supplies we brought. I had my back pack over my shoulder and started for the house, but Edward stopped me by tugging on my pack. I smiled lightly as he spun me around to face him. I flicked his hat with my index finger and he kissed me. It was hard and full if meaning. I cradled his face in my hands, his stubble tickling my fingers.

We parted slowly, keeping our lips inches from each other.

"You taste like watermelon," he whispered, his breath hot on my face. My knees buckled. I wanted to have him right here, right now in the middle of the barn on the hay covered floor, but I pushed those feelings away. I smiled instead, pecked his lips, and started to walk away.

"You can leave, you know," he said, halting me. I turned around slowly. "I would if I were you."

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Part of me felt relief; freedom. The other part felt hurt. I was tormented by myself; by staying. Unfortunately, I couldn't imagine leaving. I turned and started for the house.

"I'm gonna shower," I said, because I didn't have an answer for him.

.

.

I was in the upstairs bathroom getting undressed when I started to have my breakdown. My chest hurt, my tail bone ached, and my skin burned. I allowed the tears to come as much as they wanted to without caring. I sat on the edge of the tub and let the bathroom fill with steam. I got my phone out and opened a new message to Alice.

.

_Everything is a mess. He's married. He doesn't want to be. I have to meet her soon. He's going to tell her. I love him. I know he loves me...He's done some things...things have happened. I can't explain it. I'm not even sure if this message makes sense. I am okay. Promise. Love you._

.

I hit send before I read over anything, knowing full well that it probably worried Alice to death. I tossed my phone on my pack and got in the shower.

The water was hot. It hurt my sunburn, but I didn't care.

My body felt different to me. Maybe it was my hands, dirty and rough, but it felt like the rest of me was tainted. Edward lingered all over me. I touched my mouth where his lips had just been, and remembered the texture of his skin against mine. How his light beard tickled me, how he smelled of hay and horse, and how tight he held me.

I had no idea what to expect from Krystal, so I made myself think the worst. What if she really was having Edward's baby? What if, that changed his mind about me and he wanted to fix his marriage and become a father? What would I do? I cried some more, then stopped, and wouldn't cry over it again until things were resolved.

I was ready for the worst, more ready than I was for anything good. The idea of my life back in Tennessee seemed so far away. I was dreading it, and that worried me. I didn't miss anything about it except for Alice. I hated that Edward made this feel more like home to me than my own home.

I scrubbed my body and hair twice before getting out. I put on clean jeans, a beige top, and braided my hair tightly. I hadn't worn make up since I got here, but I applied some mascara. I wasn't sure why. I had this mental image if Krystal, and now I was beginning to feel threatened. That sickened me.

.

.

As soon as I opened the bathroom door, I ran to my bedroom. My reflection in the full length mirror stared at me with a disapproving look. I snorted.

"_What the fuck are you doing?_" I whispered to myself. I shook my head. How had I become such a different person in so little time?

I shoved all my belongings into my suitcase and prepared myself for the conversation that was to come. I needed to get away from here. I had my suitcase and purse, and opened the bedroom door, stopping abruptly.

I heard Edward's voice. I dropped my bags and stepped into the hall quietly. I stayed against the wall. I peered over the banister and saw the top of Edward's head in the living room. I listened.

"You're not going to make this easy are you?" He said. How voice was bitter.

"Actually, I am," a woman snapped. My heart clenched. Krystal's voice was exactly how I imagined it to be. It was a higher octive than mine.

"What about this fucking thing?" He asked. I couldn't see what he was gesturing to. I assumed Krystal was in the kitchen.

"What about it, Edward? Shit happens."

"I think it demands a discussion."

"Is she here now?" Krystal asked, avoiding his question. My cheeks went crimson.

"Yes."

"Well bring her out," she cheered. "I want to meet her."

Edward scoffed. I took the initiative and started walking towards the stairs. I didn't want Edward to call me down like I was a pet, and I didn't want to walk down, suitcase in hand, ready to leave like some sort of coward. I descended the stairs in my bare feet and came into the kitchen. Krystal was leaning against the counter and Edward was perched against the back of the couch.

Her hair was mid length, light brown, and straight as a board. I was suddenly glad I had applied a tiny bit of make up. Krystal's face was covered with it. It was tasteful, though, for the most part. She wore white jeans and a tight, teal tank top that tucked into her pants. Her breasts weren't huge, but large, her waist was thin, and she was taller than me in her ballet flats. Her face brightened when she saw me. I was proud of myself for the smile I produced. We were all silent until Krystal rolled her eyes at Edward and started coming towards me, a hand extended outward.

"You must be Bella," she gushed. "I've heard so much about you. I'm Krystal Cullen," she said. My insides turned. I shook her small hand, her skin cold.

"Hi, Krystal," I managed. She turned to look Edward who watched us through squinty eyes.

"You should go get ready," she said. Edward stood upright, paused to give is one last look, then walked away.

"Ready?" I asked. Her bright face turned back to me.

"Yes," she said excitedly. "We're going out!"

"Uh, out?" I asked. Krystal nodded.

"To a club in Colorado Springs. I've invited Jeremiah, too. I can't believe Edward hasn't introduced him yet."

"Well, actually-"

"I mean, you two would be so cute together," she gushed, interrupting me. My eyes went wider than an owl's.

"Cute together?" I squeaked.

"Mhmm!"

I became angry with Edward at once when I realized he hadn't told her about us.

"I was actually just about to lea-" I tried.

"Come on," she urged, taking my arm. "Let's go get ready!"

.

.

I spent the next half hour going through Krystal's closet while Edward was in the shower. She lent me some tight, black jeans and a sheer white top. I felt like someone else wearing it all as I stared at myself in her mirror.

"You look hot," Krystal said. You could see my black bra through the sheer shirt. I wore white heels and let my hair out of the braid. It was long and wavy.

"Thanks," I mumbled picking at the shirt.

Krystal wore a short, electric blue dress and black heels.

"It's going to be so fun," she said trying to assure me. I nodded and put on more make up. I wanted a shot of something strong to loosen my nerves. I felt like I was possessed by a ghost, unable to stop myself from going along.

.

.

We waited downstairs for Edward on the couch together. Looking around the cabin, no one would know he was married. Besides their bedroom, there was nothing of Krystal.

"Why aren't there any photos?" I asked. "I'd like to see your wedding," I lied.

"We don't care about pictures," she replied with a shrug. "Besides, this is more Edward's place than mine. I tried making it cute, but he's stubborn."

"Oh," I whispered lightly.

I decided to try and get some answers for myself.

"So, Edward tells me you're in the police academy but had to leave early?" I hedged. Krystal nodded.

"I passed out one day during training. I suffered a miscarriage," she said, looking down to her lap. I frowned, now thoroughly confused.

"I'm so sorry," I said.

"Me too. I guess we'll never know why these things happen," she replied easily.

"Edward would have gone to you," I blurted. Krystal laughed, unamused. I had no idea just how strange their marriage was.

"If you haven't noticed, he kind of lives off the map. The man doesn't even go to town and check his mail box," she said. "I'm okay. I know we're separated, and I'm okay with that, too."

All I could do was nod until Edward came down the stairs. He had a nice pair of jeans on with a tight black t-shirt. His hair wasn't so unkept, and he didn't really look like a cowboy anymore. I could smell his cologne. It made me dizzy. We stood up, and Edward looked to us with wide eyes.

"Well?" Krystal asked, twirling around. Edward cleared his throat.

"You both look great," he said through a scratchy throat. Again, I felt like I was in a competition with Krystal and I had already failed. We heard a car pull up outside and Krystal clapped her hands.

"Jeremiah is here!" She said, running outside. Edward and I stood still, staring at each other.

"Miscarriage?" I whispered.

"She brought the hospital papers with her to prove it," he replied quietly.

"And?" I whisper yelled. "Why haven't you told her about us?"

"I didn't really get a chance!" He whispered back. I sighed and looked down to my outfit. I cringed.

"I look like a slut."

"No," he protested. "You look amazing." That made me feel a little better about my looks, but not about the situation. He opened his mouth to say something else, but was stopped by Krystal coming back inside with Jeremiah behind her.

"Bella, this is Jere," she said, dragging him to me. Jeremiah had red cheeks. He was smiling, but awkwardly. I extended my hand and he shook it. He wore khaki shorts and a blue polo, his hair shorter than Edward's and his eyes bright hazel.

Krystal walked over to Edward and wrapped her arm through his.

"I'm such the matchmaker," she stated proudly. Jeremiah laughed, but it was forced, much like mine. Edward rolled his eyes.

I wasn't sure what I was in for, but I knew it wouldn't be good.

* * *

**To most of you:**

**I'm glad you're confused. I'm glad you're mad. I'm glad you hate them right now. Flounce it if it bothers you so damn much. Lol. Buuuuut...**

**You can either make the best, or the worst mistakes of your life when it comes to love.**

**More than half the time, people make the worst.**

**I made Bella strong in the start on purpose. Obviously. Just to see, and show how little it takes to break someone...to make them weak! To make them someone they never thought they would be. All because they love someone.**

**It's just a story. I'll keep writing until I no longer can whether people like the story or not. Negative reviews or not, thanks for upping the story's stats ;)**

**It's fun. It's messy. It's different.**

**xoxo**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Maze**

The trip to Colorado Springs felt like it was taking a lifetime. There was plenty of small talk, but mostly Krystal trying to get me and Jeremiah to converse. He was a nice guy, but I wasn't attracted to him at all. He kept looking annoyed towards Krystal in the front seat. Edward was driving, and I often caught his eyes on me in the rear view mirror. I wasn't sure he was handling all this as well as me, and I wasn't taking it great.

Edward would talk to Jeremiah about nothing in particular. I listened, and Krystal would chime in every chance she got. Was she nosy? Insecure? Annoying? Maybe it was all three.

We parked in a lot across from Club Maze. Krystal was attached to Edward again, while me and Jeremiah followed behind them like puppies.

"I dance terribly," I admitted with a laugh to Jere. He smiled kindly.

"Then together we can make terrible awful," he replied. I laughed genuinely.

I caught Edward glance back to us with dark eyes. I was still frustrated with him, and I knew he was jealous, so I decided to have fun. After all, it wasn't me that had a spouse clinging to me, it was him. He hated it, but he hated even more that I had a date.

Penny suddenly popped into my mind. Even though she would tell me to be understanding, she wouldn't want me to be so weak. It was unlike me. As much as I wanted Edward, I wasn't so sure I would risk becoming someone I hated. I was strong. I would handle this in a way that only gave him two options. It was me, or it was her. He needed to decide.

We entered the club and were immediately taken aback. The name wasn't kidding. There was a large dance floor in the center, and if you looked up, there was a second floor with balconies and open halls where people were dancing. The bars were set up in various places. On the walls and floor, a neon, green maze pattern covered them. They glowed. A lot of people had glow sticks around their necks and arms. Krystal was nearly jumping with excitement.

We all went to the bar immediately and ordered shots. I did three quickly, knowing Edward was eyeing me suspiciously. I looked at him and shrugged then leaned up to his ear.

"It helps with the dancing," I explained. He snorted. I breathed him in before pulling back. The liquor took a toll on my quickly. I already felt careless. I never wanted that feeling to go away.

After we all finished shot after shot, Krystal was dragging Edward onto the dance floor. I followed suit and tugged on Jeremiah. He chugged another shot, then followed.

A techno song came over the place loudly. We meshed into the crowd and picked up with the other dancers. My arms wrapped around Jere's neck and his hands went to my hips. We danced fairly well together. Edward moved with Krystal beside us. She was all over the place, clearly the more talented one.

I let all my cares vanish into the air. I knew Edward looked at me every chance he got, but that didn't even bother me. I felt a little more drunk, and it was freeing. Jeremiah broke after a song to get us more shots. I took mine quickly before starting to dance again. Jeremiah held onto my hips loosely. I threw my head back and smiled, laughing. I felt his hands leave for a second before feeling them on me again. His nails dug into me and I stopped laughing. I recognized this touch. I flipped my head up to see Edward in front of me.

He was smiling wickedly. I didn't even try and look for Jeremiah, instead throwing my body to Edward's. I held onto him securely as we moved as one in a new way. All I wanted to do was kiss him and have it never end, but I wasn't drunk enough to be that stupid. His eyes had never looked so dark. They were full of lust. I suddenly wondered if this was how he looked at Krystal. He did say their relationship was primarily about sex, so I couldn't help but be curious. I shook my head. I was thinking too much.

I used my hips to grind into his crotch, knowing how it would affect him. If I was in a competition, of course I would try my best to win. We danced for another song until I broke to go to the bathroom. Edward followed me. I saw the line in front of the women's room and groaned. I danced awkwardly in place. Edward took my hand and squeezed it.

Standing in line, we were covered up by other people and Krystal was nowhere to be seen. I almost kissed him, but I didn't. I was too afraid, and I hated that.

"Where's Krystal and Jeremiah?" I slurred. Edward scanned the crowd then shrugged.

"Don't know, don't care."

I looked back to the bathroom line that still hadn't moved an inch.

"I have to go!" I whined. Edward frowned, thinking, then started walking us to the exit.

"The alley?" I screeched.

"Oh, come on," he said, pulling me through the door. "You can pee in the woods, you can pee in an alley." I laughed as I tripped over myself into the wet alley. It was dark as I tried to fix my heel back onto my foot securely.

"What the fuck?" Edward growled. My fuzzy head looked up and gasped when I saw Jeremiah pinning Krystal to the brick wall, eating her mouth. She was compliant, her hands scratching his back. They still hadn't noticed us.

"Jeremiah!" Edward yelled. I frowned, curious as to why he didn't yell her name instead. The couple broke apart and wiped their mouths. Krystal was quiet. Jeremiah put a hand up to defend himself.

"Edward, I-"

"Since when?" He snapped, interrupting him. Jere exchanged looks with Krystal. "Look at me," he ordered.

"Since...a while," he replied quietly, looking at the ground. Edward smirked.

"And here I thought it was my baby she lost." Jere snapped his head up to look at Krystal with wide eyes. Edward laughed. "This is great. I'm glad I never really beat myself up over being with Bella."

"What?" Krystal asked. She didn't seem surprised.

"Baby?" Jere asked. Edward laughed again unamused.

"I want a divorce," he said, looking to Krystal. She got off the wall and steadied herself, clearly drunk.

"But-"

"No!" He shouted. "I'm done hearing you. I hate myself for staying in such a toxic relationship. Never again, Krystal. Never again. And don't think for one minute that I won't fight you for my ranch. All you want is money, but you'll get nothing from me."

Edward took my hand again. "Come on, Bella."

Before we could turn to leave, I heard Krystal huff.

"Wait a second," she said, stopping us from walking away. She eyed us suspiciously. "Don't think you're the non guilty party here, Edward," she snapped coldly. Jeremiah and I didn't say a word, just watched. I thought I would feel ashamed, but not after seeing that Krystal was doing the same thing.

"Does it matter now?" Edward asked. Krystal folded her arms and rolled her eyes. "We aren't meant to be together. I want you out tomorrow," he snapped. "I want my life back."

Before she could argue, he pulled us back into the club. The music was pounding, and I still had to use the bathroom. It was beginning to hurt, along with my head. Edward led us through the club, then across the street to his car.

"Edward, I have to go!" I whined.

"Behind the car," he suggested.

"Are you kidding me?" He frowned, clearly not. "A dark alley is different, but this lot has lights!" I whispered embarrassed. He smiled and meneavured me to the back of his dusty Land Rover.

"Just go. I'll keep watch."

I groaned, but went, and went quickly. I shoved myself into the passenger seat and covered my face. Edward started the car while laughing.

"Stop," I said. "Never speak of this again."

"Okay, okay," he said. He pulled out of the parking spot.

"We're really gonna leave them here?" I asked quietly.

"Yep. Let's go home."

Home. It was home, and I had no intention to change that.

.

.

.

.

Cullen Stables was quiet when we returned. The moon was high in the cloudless sky, giving everything a nice night light. I was tired, and groggy as I made my way to the guest bedroom. Edward was in the bathroom when I collapsed onto my bed and sighed happily. I kicked my heels off and started to undo the button on my jeans. I stopped and smiled when I felt Edward's hands take over.

He pulled the tight jeans off slowly, then my shirt. I frowned when he stopped there.

"Why stop?" I slurred. Edward chuckled.

"Bella, you're drunk and exhausted."

I didn't argue. He scooted me to the head of the bed and put me in. My eyes were heavy, and my brain was too fried to even try and seduce him. I laid down, then sat back up to remove my annoying bra. Edward slipped in beside me and pulled me to his chest. I took a deep breath, his scent only intoxicating me further.

"We're gonna be okay," I whispered.

"We're gonna be together," he assured. "I'm so sorry for putting you through this."

"I almost left. I wanted to. I'm glad I didn't."

"I'm going to get better. I'll be me again."

I wasn't sure what he meant by that, but I fell asleep before I could ask.

* * *

**I love all you readers. Thank you :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: Said and Done**

When I woke up the next morning the sun was bright and happy in my face. I waited for the headache to come, but it never did. Maybe I didn't get drunk enough. I smiled and opened my eyes. There was a note on the pillow beside me.

.

.

.

.

_Dearest Bella_

_I had to go gather a couple horses early this morning and didn't want to wake you. I'll be back around eleven. Their owners are coming to collect them. Sleep in. I'll see you soon._

_Love,_

_Edward_

.

.

.

.

I hummed in happiness, holding the little piece of paper to my chest. My phone started ringing from my jeans on the floor. I fished it out just in time.

"Alice!"

"Bella! Shit, how are you?" She asked.

"I'm wonderful," I replied truthfully.

"Good. After that text last night, I wasn't so sure."

"It's such a long story. I can't wait to fill you in. Can you talk long?"

"Actually, I was also calling to tell you that me and Jasper are headed to the beach..."

"Oh? Might there be a wedding chapel there?"

"There could be," she replied cutely.

"I'm so happy for you," I gushed. "I want pictures. Promise!"

"I'll send a million. I have a feeling you're going to be making Colorado your home soon, so you'll need as much of my face as you can get."

.

.

I smiled widely, happy for my best friend, and happy for myself. It looked like we were both getting what we wanted most from life.

Penny popped into my head and I decided to call her as I got up. There was a small balcony in the guest room that I went out on the smoke. The view was breathtaking. I was at the back of the house overlooking the colorful forest. The mountains in the distance had a speck of white at the top. Winter would soon follow this beautiful autumn season.

"Bella, I'm so glad to hear from you," Penny gushed.

"I'm sorry it's taken me this long," I said sadly.

"Don't be. Life is busy. Fill me in."

Penny could sense things about me before anyone else could, including myself. I gave her our story in a nutshell, and she sighed, exasperated.

"What a visit," she breathed.

"Any advice?" I asked hopeful.

"Don't lose yourself. Don't let him hide from the past."

"Got it." We laughed, and if I was going to stay, Penny was going to visit.

.

.

I was showered and in my dirty boots when I jogged down the stairs. I felt comfortable, and positive. That was, until I saw a small stack of boxes by the front door. I heard someone in the living room. I cringed and prepared myself for the visitor.

Krystal was taking a few things from a bookshelf and tossing them into boxes behind her. She was humming. Her hair was up and her clothes were less fancy.

"Hi, Bella," she said, without having to turn and see me.

"Hi," I breathed awkwardly.

"I'll be out soon."

"Oh?"

"I don't have much here."

"Krystal, I-"

She held up a well manicured hand to stop me.

"It's cool," she said. "I don't know what I was thinking. I should have come back, and ended things immediately. If you understood my relationship with Edward, you'd get what I mean."

I frowned.

"Understand what about it?"

She sighed, tossed another book, then started to close one of the boxes.

"It's just a possessional thing. For years, it was so intense in that way, that it was difficult for me to just see him and go, 'Okay, we're done.' You know?"

"I guess," I offered lightly. She chuckled.

"I have Jere. We're working through things. We're moving to Denver."

"Is he here now?"

"Mhmm. He's out helping Edward." She lifted a box and started for the door.

"Can I help?" I asked.

"Sure," she replied, nodding to the set of boxes.

It was incredibly weird helping her move out of her own place. It was like we were swapping lives in a sense. I wasn't really going to think too hard on it because I had Edward, but the irony was interesting. Almost comical.

I looked to the barn and saw Edward and Jeremiah shaking hands, then Jere came towards me and Krystal. He nodded to me, and I to him. He helped load boxes and I slipped away to the barn.

Edward was brushing his horse. I came up behind him and smacked his butt. He laughed.

"Isn't that for me to do?" He joked.

"We can trade," I said. His smile was seductive. "How do you feel?" He stood upright and nodded.

"Good. Great. At first I was mostly grossed out about Jere and Krys, but I'm not now. I have zero cares. It's so freeing."

"I'm glad. So, they're leaving?" I asked.

"Yep. Everything is settled. She'll mail me the papers." He walked to the other side of he horse and started brushing the mane.

"If you check your mailed," I teased. "You know after so long, they just return to sender, because I tried writing you!"

His head peeked around the horse to look at me.

"Really? Well, I'd like to read those lost letters."

My heart warmed.

"Okay. I'm pretty surprised at Jeremiah, though," I admitted. "Staying with her after the baby and all..."

Edward shrugged.

"Not my problem. They can go suck at life somewhere else together. That feels so good to say."

We laughed.

"Wow," I breathed. "I'm so relieved."

"Oh, me too. Now what about us?"

I frowned and tilted my head in confusion.

"Well," he began slowly. "I can't exactly move to East Tennessee that easily, but if it's what you want-"

"No," I stopped him. "I couldn't imagine you anywhere but on this ranch." His face brightened.

"Then...you'll move here?"

I smiled giddily and nodded enthusiastically. Edward returned the smile and dropped the brush, coming over to me and picking me up off the ground. We spinned, laughing and kissing.

"This is home to me," I said. Edward kissed my mouth, then set me down.

"I'm going to see a therapist," he said quietly. "I think it'll help."

"You can talk to me if you want," I told him shyly.

His index finger traced my lips.

"I know that, but I'm doing this for me. You don't need to fix me, Bella. I need to fix myself. You being here is the most wonderful help you could ever give."

I hugged him tightly, swiping a tear from my eye. This was it; happiness. Not only with Edward, but here, on this ranch, in Colorado. The land had captivated me just as much as he had. I was overwhelmed with happiness. I thought of Penny, and my eyes watered. Edward put me down, his arms securely around my back.

"I'm sorry ahead of time for any instances where I'm an ass," he declared.

"I'm sorry if I'm annoying," I offered. He smiled and buried his head in my neck.

"I'm so excited for this. What I've always wanted," he breathed. My heart began to burst. "I love you, Bella."

"And I love you, Edward."

_The End_

* * *

**And there it is, folks.**

**I want to thank all the lovers, and all the haters of this story. The haters have it a shot. The lovers stuck with it.**

**It would be hard to write without all your love, lovers!**

**There WILL be a cute little epilogue for this story soon, so make sure to add it to a list or something!**

**I'm hoping to write a thriller/romance next! I've got it started, so wish me luck... ;)**

**Have a GREAT Labor Day!**


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